across the table. We’ve met at an Italian restaurant. I didn’t have the heart to ask if we could meet somewhere else. Anywhere else. It would have meant having to explain to him why anything Italian might result in me crying into my purse right now.
“Maddy, I’m glad you said yes to dinner.”
“Of course. Thank you for asking me.” I place my napkin down, unable to stomach another mouthful of Tiramisu. It’s not his fault. He’s been wonderful company, but I’ve struggled to keep my mind from wandering away from our conversation. Wandering to Logan. To what he’s doing. How he’s feeling. What’s happening with work. Is he getting any closer to finding a magic solution. Is he happy.
Nate’s eyes sparkle as he rests his hand on top of the table between us. “I just knew when we met before that we—”
A flash of familiar light brown over by the bar catches the corner of my eye and I tune out from Nate once more as I glance over, searching for the source. My heart rate picks up, ever hopeful. But I’m wrong. It’s not him.
“I’m sorry.” I turn back to Nate, my stomach dropping. “I thought I saw someone I knew.” I take a sip of my wine, but it does nothing to ease the flutters in my stomach from thinking he was here. “Could you please excuse me? I’m going to go to the ladies’ room.”
I stand and pick up my purse, then weave through the tables filled with couples on dates. The restaurant is beautiful. Intimate and romantic. Each white linen tablecloth is set with a single rose and candle. There’s soft music playing and twinkling fairy lights strung around. They remind me of the starry night sky in the open foyer of Logan’s house. That night together on the island was… I inhale deeply. I can’t think about it. About what he said. “If this is hate, then I never need to fall in love.”
I scan the bar area as I pass. But he’s not there. My stomach sinks again as I leave the main room and push through the door that leads to the ladies’ room.
“You enjoying your date, Smiles?”
I turn, the air leaving my lungs as I see his face.
“Logan.” I rush toward him, then stop short.
The dark circles and dullness of his skin make my heart heavy. He’s under so much stress. I want to reach for him. But I can’t move.
His eyes roam over my face before he smiles softly. “You look beautiful.”
“It’s not… We’re—”
“You don’t have to explain, Mads. I get it.” His tired eyes crease at the corners.
“Oh.”
My throat burns. Does the idea of me being on a date with Nate not bother him? I search his green eyes for answers, but the swell of emotion in my chest that looking into them evokes becomes overwhelming, and I drop my gaze to his tie instead. He’s wearing a light gray suit and silver tie tonight. It doesn’t matter what color it is; he always looks good. Confident and in control. Ready to take on the world. Even if his eyes tell a different story tonight. One of late meetings, lack of sleep, and immense pressure at trying to save something so dear to him and his family.
“Who are you here with?”
“My parents, and Gabrielle and her father.”
“Oh.”
“Are you happy?” He steps closer and my lips part as heat flares across the back of my neck.
“What do you mean?”
His eyes darken as his voice lowers. “Do you feel like you can’t breathe when you look at him?”
“W-what?”
“Does he make you smile? In here?” He brushes the warm pads of his fingers over my bare skin, above the low neckline of my dress, directly above my heart.
I shiver.
“That’s what you do to me.” His gaze intensifies until it’s blinding, pinning me in place.
“Logan—”
“No, Mads. Let me say it.” He steps closer, lifting his hand to my chin and tilting it up between his thumb and forefinger until our lips are inches apart. His breath dusts mine as he parts his lips. “You need to fucking hear it,” he whispers.
“I can’t,” I choke.
I haven’t seen him in days, and it’s done nothing to lessen my pull to him. But what good will giving in do? I was never meant to be with him, and he was never meant to be with me. It’s not our path. Recent events have proved that. We were doomed before we began.
He searches my eyes for something. Something I can’t give him. So I fight to keep it locked away inside. Where it can’t cause harm.
He slides his thumb over my bottom lip, his eyes tracking its movement, and I suck in a sharp breath, goosebumps scattering up my spine. It would be so easy to sink into him. To be selfish.
“I—”
“Tell me about work,” I say, using all my strength to step back, breaking contact with him.
Tell me you’ve found a way. Tell me it’s all going to be okay.
Something flashes in his eyes, making my gut churn in regret. But then he blinks, and it’s gone.
“I’m working on Spencer.” He runs a hand down his chin, his shoulders dropping.
It tells me all I need to know. He’s getting nowhere.
I swallow the aching lump in my throat as he continues.
“If I can get him to agree to work on Vex with me without…”
Without marrying Gabrielle.
“Vex will bring in enough to bail out the business. I just need to get it started,” he says. “We’ve had to tighten things… We’ve…” He takes a deep breath. “The business doesn’t have the means to make it happen right now. I need Spencer. Once he agrees to work together, it’ll all be fine. I’ve got the investors, I’ve…”
I nod, lowering my eyes to his tie again. The weariness in his voice tells me that even he is starting to doubt it will ever work.
“That’s good. You’re close then?” I say, unable to speak the truth that’s thrown itself between us like a thunderbolt. Hope has never been so far away.
“Yeah.”
I look into his eyes. They’re shining as he sweeps his gaze over my face slowly.
I curl my fingers tightly around my purse. “I should get back. Nate’s waiting. And everyone is probably wondering where you are.”
I pray he walks away before my legs give out beneath me. My chest tightens as he looks at me, his lips pressed into a firm line. After what feels like a lifetime, they curl into a faint smile.
“Enjoy the rest of your evening, Smiles.”
He walks past me and back into the restaurant, leaving the scent of his fresh aftershave and warm skin lingering behind him. It’s only once he’s gone that I realize I haven’t breathed properly. I suck in a shuddering breath as I stumble into the ladies’ room and lean back against the wall. I take a few minutes to compose myself and splash some cold water on my face before I walk back into the main room and back to our table.
Nate stands, waiting for me to sit so he can push my chair in for me. I look to the back of the room where a tinkling laugh has broken out. Gabrielle is sitting, like a vision, blonde hair shining, eyes lit up as she looks across the table at Logan. He doesn’t make eye contact with me. His full attention is on Gabrielle, his face relaxed as he smiles at whatever story she’s telling.
“Are you okay? You don’t look well.”
“Um. I’m—”
Nate’s eyes narrow with concern. “Let me sort out the bill and I’ll take you home.”
I nod gratefully, fighting from looking over at their table again. Logan says he’s working on Spencer. But it doesn’t change the fact that they all look perfect together. Logan and his parents, Gabrielle, and Spencer. They all just… fit.
Nate pays for dinner, and I thank him as he helps me into my coat. I keep my eyes firmly fixed on his, too scared of what they might see if I let them wander. He places his hand on my lower back, keeping his body close to mine as he leads me from the restaurant carefully, probably worried I will pass out. I lean into him a little, needing the support as anxiety weaves its way through my body.
He doesn’t try and draw me into a conversation as he drives me home. He glances at me with concern a couple of times, but the closer we get to my apartment, the better I begin to feel. I have space. Distance. And it allows me the clarity to see tonight for what it was. A sign of what I must do.
I thank Nate profusely as he walks me to my door. It takes a couple of assurances that I’m fine before he wishes me good night. As he drives away, the rain starts.
What do they say about rain? That it’s cleansing? A symbol of new beginnings? Of re-birth?
After what I’ve seen tonight, it couldn’t be more fitting.
