here to shout, then save your breath.” I leave the door to my apartment open and walk back inside as Drew stands on the threshold. I should have ignored the buzzer and stayed in bed.
“I’m not going to fucking shout!” he shouts as he follows me inside.
I head straight to the coffee machine and flick it on, then turn and lean against the counter with my arms crossed as I look at him.
“I’m sorry that you saw what you saw last night,” I say around the ball in my throat. I look to the side, heat flaring in my cheeks.
“What about what I fucking heard?”
I wince as he spits the words out like vomit. I hoped he hadn’t heard it, but judging by the thundering pulse in his tense neck, he heard every word.
At least admit you love my cum inside you, Mads.
“Please don’t.” I cringe and turn my back to him, taking my time fixing our drinks until the heat in my face reduces. Anything to delay having to face him for more precious seconds.
“I want to kill him.”
I sneak a glance over my shoulder. He’s pacing up and down in his dark jeans and black T-shirt, tension stiffening his broad shoulders. I knew this was coming today. Drew barely spoke a word during the ride with Tanner and Chloe last night. I should be grateful he at least waited until the morning to pound on my door. I got to have a semi-decent amount of sleep to prepare for this. Although lying awake picturing Logan’s bleeding face and split lip was hardly equal to a restful night.
“You attempted to kill him last night when you punched him so hard in the face he almost flew through the wall.” I sniff, turning around and holding a mug of coffee out to him.
A hint of regret passes through his dark eyes before he closes them momentarily. We look alike. Everyone always comments on it. Drew didn’t get tight curls like me. But he has the same dark as ink hair that still holds a wave despite him keeping it cut short. And the same dark brown eyes. His turn almost black when he’s angry, like last night. Today they’re smoldering at a shade above midnight.
“He had his hands on you.” His knuckles turn white against the mug. His full height and broad build swamp my kitchen until the air is thick with tension.
“I know.”
“And you wanted him to?”
His brows pull together as he studies my reaction. The underlying question in his tone makes bile rise in my throat.
“Yes.”
He nods, relief softening his clenched jaw. He doesn’t really think Logan would do anything without my permission. The fact he’s even hinted at it has my heart seizing painfully. No matter what I’ve thought of Logan in the past, he doesn’t deserve anyone to think that about him, even for a split second. Especially his best friend.
“Have you always had a thing for him?”
“What? Of course not.”
Drew’s expression is grim as he takes a large gulp from his mug. “You just decided to fuck my friend behind my back for fun, then?”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“You don’t like Logan. That’s what you’ve always told me.”
“I didn’t like him… I mean, I don’t like him.”
“Come on, Maddy. Lie to yourself if you must, but don’t lie to me.”
It’s no use trying to reason with Drew when he’s like this or try to explain to him. He’s always been hot-headed. It’s why he got in so much trouble when he was younger. He’s a joker when he wants to be. But when he’s serious, he’s as intimidating as a gun to your temple with the safety off.
“It’s bad enough that he…” His eyes drop over my body in my T-shirt and joggers before he rips them away with a hiss. “… with my sister. But you both lied about it.”
“It was never supposed to happen again. It was a moment of madness.” I stare into my cup like the answer to ending this awkward conversation immediately is held there.
“Were you both drinking one night in Italy? Is that how? Just the one time… Fuck, I don’t want to know.” Drew puts his cup down and tips his head back with a groan as he folds his giant biceps across his chest.
I shake my head, my voice quiet. “More than once.”
“More?” Drew’s eyes narrow.
I drop my eyes from his.
“Twice?” he growls.
“I lost count,” I confess, squeezing my eyes shut as he curses.
“Are you in love with him?”
“What?”
“Is he in love with you?”
“No!” I put my mug down and scrub my hands down my cheeks. “God, I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. What’s next? You going to march us down to the church and make us get married because we had sex?”
He snorts. “You’ll have to join the queue. Logan’s in demand. I’m almost jealous of the lying fucker.”
I drop my head, pressure building behind my eyes.
“Maddy.” Drew’s voice softens, but he still sounds exasperated. “You’re my sister. It’s my job to look out for you. And he’s supposed to be my friend. He has no right to touch you. He should be looking out for you too, the way he always has for me.”
“What do you mean, for you?”
Guilt flickers in his eyes and he clears his throat.
“Drew?”
“It’s what friends do for each other. I’d do the same for him if he had a baby sister.”
“I’m not a baby.”
“Not now. But back then, you were. When I was gone… I needed to know you’d be okay. I know what assholes teenage boys are.”
“Wait. You asked Logan to follow me home from school every day? Drew! No one would speak to me.”
“Kept the boys away, though.” A smile tugs at his lips, dropping off right away as I glare at him. He has the sense to look sheepish as he says, “Okay, Logan’s methods were his own. He didn’t always get them right.”
“No shit.”
“It made me feel better knowing you had two of us looking out for you when I came home.”
I snort, crossing my arms. I’m not going to get anywhere trying to convince my brother that telling half the school I had crabs was too far. He’ll just reason that the ends justified the means. Assholes, the pair of them.
“Well, now the two of you can stop. Because I am done with you both interfering with my life. I’m twenty-nine, I can live my own damn life.”
I straighten up ready to fight my corner, but there’s a buzzing from the intercom.
Drew turns toward it.
“It’s my place, thank you,” I grumble, shouldering past him before he can press it.
I buzz whoever it is without checking the screen and head down the hallway. The door is on the receiving end of my frustration as I wrench it open.
“Logan?”
“Hey.” His brows lift as he locks eyes with me.
“Drew—”
“Has a mean right hook? Yeah, I know.” He tries to smile, the movement curling the opposite side of his mouth to where the bloodied line of his split lip is.
My eyes scan over the developing bruise on his cheekbone.
“Don’t blame him, Mads. I’d have done the same thing.”
I draw in a breath through my nose. “Then you’re both giant idiots.”
Logan chuckles. “Can I come in?”
“As long as you don’t fight with the other giant idiot who’s in my kitchen.”
“Drew’s here?” Logan looks over my shoulder and down the hallway.
“Yeah, I am, fucker. So you better keep your hands to yourself.”
I roll my eyes as his threat carries from the kitchen.
“And it’s my apartment, dickhead. So you better both not be jerks or I’ll kick you out on your asses,” I shout over my shoulder.
I step back and let him in.
“I won’t stay long. I just wanted to see if you were okay.”
The sudden urge to kiss his lip better hits me square in the chest. Instead, I nod and motion up the hallway.
Tension fills the air as all three of us stand in my kitchen. I thought it seemed cramped with Drew’s giant frame in it earlier, but with the two of them both here, all broad chests and giant arms, the atmosphere is so claustrophobic it’s suffocating.
“What are you doing here?” Drew scowls at Logan as he positions himself next to me.
“I came to check on Mads.” He holds Drew’s eyes, unaffected by my brother’s deathly glare.
“Her name’s Maddy. She hates being called Mads,” Drew snaps.
“Logan’s the only one who calls me that and it’s fine.”
Logan looks sideways at me, a new emotion gleaming in his eyes that I can’t identify. But I can’t unpack it now. Not when these two brutes might kill each other in my kitchen.
“You going to kiss and make up then?” I bounce my eyes between them.
“That depends,” Drew answers without breaking eye contact with Logan. “You going to keep fucking my baby sister?”
“I am not a baby,” I almost yell, shaking with irritation.
“I hope so,” Logan replies cockily.
“Maybe I’ll split the other side of that lip then,” Drew counters.
“For God’s sake.” I step between them like an umpire with a hand raised toward each of them. “You,” I point at Drew, “need to keep your nose out and not threaten my visitors. And you,” I point at Logan, “need to learn when to keep your big mouth shut.”
“Sorry.” Logan’s smile grows as he locks eyes with me. We stare at each other for a few seconds before Drew scoffs.
“I don’t fucking believe it. Stop eye-fucking her in front of me. It’s bad enough knowing you went behind my back. I don’t need to see it again after last night.”
“Shut up, Drew,” I snap before Logan can answer him with whatever stupid thing he’s about to say.
My brother shakes his head. “You think I want to be here? Talking to you about who you’re sleeping with? The fact it’s him”—his eyes track to Logan and then back to me—“isn’t the worst fucking thing about it. It’s that you both lied. For weeks.”
“I was going to tell you today,” Logan says.
My mouth drops open. “You were?”
He at least looks guilty as he glances at me. “I wasn’t going to lie now that we’re home.”
I tip my head back and stare at the ceiling as Drew grumbles. He knows Logan is good to his word. He isn’t a liar. If he says he would tell Drew today, then he would tell him today.
“Instead, I saw you both…”
Drew doesn’t need to finish. We all know what he saw. Heat flares in my cheeks again.
“I just don’t… Of all the women you know,” he curses. “Couldn’t you have found someone on your precious dating app? Someone who isn’t my fucking baby sister.”
“I’m not a baby.”
“I deleted that app.”
Drew’s brows quirk at Logan’s confession.
“As soon as…” Logan’s eye flick to me. “I deleted it as soon as…”
“You’ve not been back on it?”
“Hell no.”
Drew rolls his lips with a nod. “It’s a fucking start. Doesn’t change the fact that she’s my sister. My fucking sister.”
Logan opens his mouth to reply.
“Look, we get it. You didn’t want it to happen. We never planned for it to happen. End of the story.” I slice my hands through the air like a clapperboard.
“You should have told me,” he hisses at Logan like I’m not in the room.
“I was going to. I hate secrets as much as you. They’re better out in the open. You get that. You feel better now that she knows, right? Well, it’s the same for me. I swear I was going to tell you,” Logan says.
Drew falls silent, darting his eyes to mine and then dropping them away. “Thanks, man. I haven’t fucking told her yet.”
Logan stiffens next to me as he exhales. “You said you were going to. You swore.”
My stomach lurches. “Told me what?”
Drew shakes his head, his jaw clenched. “I know. I was waiting for a good time.”
“Told me what?” I repeat.
“I thought you had. Shit, man, I’m sorry,” Logan says.
“Not your fault,” Drew mutters.
“Told me what?” Just call me Maddy the parrot.
“I just assumed… You said when she came home.” Logan’s voice is thick with regret.
“Told. Me. Fucking. What? I swear if one of you doesn’t start talking—”
“It’s about Dad.” Drew drops his head, rubbing his eyes with one hand. Logan walks over and claps his shoulder—a sign of solidarity—as he lowers his voice to a reassuring tone. “Yeah,” Drew agrees with whatever Logan whispers to him.
“I already know Mum suspects he’s having an affair. Has she decided to throw him out?”
“No. She’s still thinking about what to do. Dad has no idea she knows anything.”
“Okay. So then…?”
He looks at Logan, who nods at him. “Fuck.” Drew draws in a breath, then meets my eyes. “There’s no easy way to tell you this, Maddy.”
“Just spit it out.” I stare at the two of them standing together like co-conspirators.
Drew turns his palms up in front of him. “Dad’s the reason I went to juvie. He made sure I didn’t get off.”
I snort back my laugh. “Shut up.”
Drew’s face is solemn. “I’m sorry I never told you. He didn’t want you or Mum to know.”
“That’s not what happened.” I look at Logan for reassurance, but he’s watching me carefully.
“It is, Maddy.” Drew rolls his neck and the resulting crack echoes around the room as he curses. “He made sure I went. He asked the judge on our case to send me.”
It’s like a smack to my gut as I blink in confusion.
“N-no. You were both supposed to go. But Logan’s dad paid it off somehow. Got him off the charges.”
“That’s not what happened.” Drew runs a hand over his jaw, lines tightening across his brow. “We were both meant to get a warning, a suspended sentence, and some community service. Dad was embarrassed. He was a police sergeant with a criminal son.”
“But…” A steel ball falls from my throat all the way to my feet as my mouth feels like someone has stuffed it full of sawdust. Logan nods, confirming it. “But Dad hated to talk about it while you were gone. He missed you so much.”
Drew’s eyes pinch and he shakes his head, looking at the floor. “He still hates to talk about it. Because I showed him up. You know he’s a proud man. He had respect at work. But at home, he had a teenage son who cared for nothing more than doing whatever stupid shit he wanted. I was selfish and young. I don’t blame him. Juvie taught me a thing or two. It wasn’t all bad.”
“You were gone for six months!” My chest burns and my eyes blur as hot tears threaten to fill them. I blink them away as I look at Logan. He stares back at me with only softness and understanding in his eyes. “It’s when I started hating you,” I whisper.
He gives me a sad smile. “I know.”
I turn my back on them both, slamming my hand over my mouth as the urge to vomit fights to take over my body. Sweat pricks at my hairline and I force myself to take in slow, deep breaths through my nose.
“I should have told you when I found out. I’m sorry, sis.”
I hold my hand out to the side, one finger extended, indicating that I can’t talk right now. I’m too busy using all my energy to stay standing. How could Dad do that? Drew was only sixteen. A kid.
“I told Dad it wasn’t fair that Logan got off because his family was rich,” I choke out. “He agreed with me. He let me believe that’s what happened.” My lower lip trembles. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t know that Dad let you think that’s the way it happened,” Drew says.
“I thought Dad knew something I didn’t. I thought that was him confirming it.” I turn, unable to take my eyes from Logan’s. His are burning bright green as he watches me.
“He’s a bigger fucking liar than I thought,” Drew mutters.
“Does he know that you know this?”
Drew chuckles, but it’s empty. “Yeah. He knows. I found out after I got out. He told me it was my actions that got me in trouble in the first place and I should accept my punishment like a man. He was right. He said it’d only upset you and Mum if I came home and dragged it all back up again. We never spoke about it again. I caused our family enough shit back then, Maddy. You know I was no saint.”
Logan remains quiet but stays close enough to Drew that his presence conveys support. I could kiss him right now for being here for my brother.
“You deserved a dad who would stand up for you.” I look at Drew, my heart breaking for my sixteen-year-old brother who was let down by his own father.
“It’s done. It’s in the past,” he says with an air of finality. “It doesn’t matter now.”
The air leaves my lungs in one fast rush.
“It doesn’t matter now? Nothing’s ever mattered more.”
All these years, everything I’ve based my opinions on has been snatched from under my feet. Drew being sent away wasn’t Logan’s fault. Logan being a dick after is still his fault. But without the rest backing it up, his actions seem dulled in their menace. He was trying to help a friend he missed. Even if his methods were questionable.
“Okay.” I take a deep breath to stop myself from shaking. My head is screaming out for a hot shower and solitude to process this. “Well, you haven’t killed each other in my kitchen. Thank you for that. Blood’s hard to clean up. But if there aren’t any other bombshells you want to drop, then I’d like you both to leave now, please.” My bottom lip trembles as I speak.
They both lower their brows and look at me with concern as they step forward. It’s almost comical how they do it in sync with one another. Two muscular giants both stepping forward to offer comfort.
Comfort I don’t deserve and can’t handle right now. Not from them. Especially Logan.
“I’m fine,” I insist before they contradict me. “I like to process things alone.” I shepherd them both to the front door, holding the churning in my gut at bay. I need them out of here.
Drew exits first but lingers on the doorstep as he looks at Logan.
“He isn’t staying either,” I say as I place my hand on Logan’s arm and guide him through the door.
Drew’s expression softens as the two look back at me like a pair of puppies.
“Go,” I urge. “I’m fine. I’ll call you.” Drew nods, and Logan’s brow quirks. “Both of you,” I croak.
I shut the door and head to the bathroom, gripping onto the sides of the sink for support as I fight to calm the hammering in my chest. I’m about to turn the shower on when there’s a knock at the front door again.
“I figured you’d appreciate this.” Chloe grins, brandishing a fast-food breakfast bag as I open the door. “You okay?” The grin drops from her face.
She doesn’t even make it inside before my legs turn to jelly, and I throw my arms around her neck. The first sob wracks through my chest as she rubs my back.
“It’s okay. Tell me what happened.”
I pull back enough to let her inside.
“My dad.” I hiccup. “Logan… I never knew… I was awful to him… How can he stand to look at me?”
