I go still. “What?!”
“We were talking about you the other night. He kept saying that you reminded him of an ex-colleague from one of his old pub jobs, before he moved to London. When I asked what her name was, he said Sarah Chandler.”
My mother’s name was Sarah. I can’t breathe. I lean against the wall.
“Obviously, she’s got married and changed her last name. She lives down in Cornwall. Tony knows her address.” He pauses. “Do you want it?”
“You’re sure it’s her?” I ask, my voice hoarse.
“One hundred percent. She has a private Facebook account, but he’s friends with her. Hang on, I’ll send a picture.” There’s a pause, and then my phone dings. I open the picture message with shaky fingers.
The photo is of a group of people standing behind a bar, posing with their arms around each other, all in matching server uniforms. It’s pretty blurry, but I can clearly make out the woman in the middle of the row. She has red hair pulled up in a ponytail, almost the exact same shade as mine. She barely looks ten years older than me. It has to be her.
“Yeah. Okay.” My hand is shaking. “Shit.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m—happy.” I’m ecstatic. Terrified. Nervous. I feel like I’m about to split out of my skin. “Tell Antonio thank you from me?”
“Sure thing, friend. Listen, I’ve got to get back to work, but text me tonight, yeah? We can talk about it. And you can update me on your new polyamorous found family.”
“They’re not my—”
“You live with your three boyfriends and their kid. Dunno what else you can call that.” There’s some shouting in the background, and he swears. “Sorry, sorry, really have to go. The van’s about to leave. Call me.”
He hangs up before I can respond.
For a second, I just stand there in the middle of the hall, staring at my phone. My ears are full of static. We’ve found my mum. I’ve been looking for her since I was four years old, and now, finally, I can see her again. I look down at the little bracelet glimmering around my wrist. You are my sunshine.
I hear a pop next door, followed by a burst of laughter. Taking a deep breath, I set my jaw and head back into the flat. I feel like I’m in a dream.
The boys are still sprawled on the floor, chatting, but they all stop and look up as I step inside.
“Shit,” Cy says, sitting up. “Bad news?”
I blink hard. “No, no—”
“You sure? Because you look like you’re about to pass out.”
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Sebastian stands and wraps an arm around me, leading me gently back down onto the blanket. “You’re shaking, Beth,” he says quietly. “Do you need some water, or something?”
“It’s not bad news,” I repeat. “I just. Um.” I take a deep breath, then turn to Cyrus. “Tony knows my birth mum. Benny just sent me her address.”
They all freeze. For a few seconds, no one says anything.
“Wow,” Cyrus says eventually. “That’s—big.”
“What are you going to do with it?” Jack asks cautiously.
I bite my lip. “I want to go see her.”
Seb’s brow furrows. “Not just write her a letter?”
“I want to see her. And I want her to see me.” I look around at them hopefully. I’m not sure what reaction I expected, but it wasn’t this. I was hoping they’d be happy for me, but they mostly look worried. “What? Do you think that’s a bad idea?”
Cyrus shakes his head. “If it’s something you think you need to do, do it. But…” he snakes out his arm, taking my hand. “Can you wait until we get home? We’ll come with you.”
“That’s sweet, but I can go on my own. It’ll look a bit weird if I show up on her doorstep with three strange men. She’ll probably think her daughter is a reprobate.”
“We don’t have to go in,” he insists. “We can wait in the car, or hang out in a mall or a park and pick you up when you’re done. I don’t like the thought of you driving out there and dealing with everything all alone, where we can’t reach you if things go wrong.”
“Or right,” Jack adds quickly. “It could be overwhelming, either way.”
I look down, my eyes suddenly blurring.
They think my mum won’t want to see me. They think she’ll take one look at me and send me away.
I mean, I know it’s a possibility. Of course I do. But I guess I hoped the guys would be telling me, of course she’ll want to see you, she’d be crazy not to want to meet you, you’re amazing, etc etc, instead of immediately assuming that she’ll hate me. My throat thickens. I take a sip of champagne, pretending that it’s the bubbles making my eyes water.
“Hey.” Cyrus touches under my chin, nudging my face up until our eyes meet. “We just don’t want you to get hurt, Bethie. Parents can be shitty, sometimes. Mine are shitty. Seb’s are shitty. Jack’s—have shitty tendencies.”
“We don’t know anything about your mum,” Seb adds, on my other side. “We’re just worried about you.”
I swallow thickly, then nod. I guess I get it. They’re just being protective. They want to be there for me. “Okay. Thank you. I’ll wait.”
Instead of answering, Cyrus just leans in and kisses me softly. His lips taste like strawberry juice and champagne. I kiss him back, our mouths sliding against one another. His hand smooths under the hem of my shirt, fingertips skittering over my hot skin. “You know,” he murmurs, when we pull apart, “Seb got you a present earlier. Maybe that will cheer you up.”
I glance at Seb. “You did?”
He nods. I watch as he pulls a scrap of crumpled fabric out of his pocket and offers it to me. It takes me a second to realise what it is. A silky black blindfold edged in soft lace. My mouth goes dry.
“Why do you have that?” I whisper.
“Cyrus thought you might enjoy it.”
Cyrus nods, tucking some hair behind my ear. “Last time you came to visit me in the club, I blindfolded you with my tie during the dance.” He pauses. “You seemed to like it.”
Like it? I got so wet I almost slipped right off the damn chair.
Cyrus slides his hand down my arm, cupping my elbow. “Do you trust us?” He says in my ear.
I nod, not even hesitating. He kisses me again, deeper this time, as he leans over to take the blindfold. I tip my head back, and he slips it over my eyes, the silk fluttering over my skin. My heart pounds in my chest as the world goes black. I can feel his confident fingers firmly securing the knot behind my head, then a kiss in my hair.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs against my skin.
A hand brushes my arm, and I jump.
“Easy,” Jack murmurs. “Just me.”
I relax against him as he leans forward and pulls me into a kiss.
It’s one of the hottest, most sensual kisses I think I’ve ever experienced. The blindfold magnifies everything. Every spot where our bodies are pressed together burns, my clothes shifting over my skin and sending sparks through all of my nerve endings. Suddenly desperate, I blindly grab Jack’s face and pull him into me, kissing him harder. I hear him groan, feeling him harden against my belly.
Another hand touches my face, and I’m gently guided away from Jack, my mouth crashing into another deep kiss. I tangle my fingers in a crisp shirt, and know that it’s Seb. He kisses me expertly in long, strong pulls. At the same time, Cyrus slips his hands under my shirt and cups my breasts in his hot hands. After a few seconds, Sebastian leans away, and Cy claims my mouth, nipping my bottom lip playfully.
It goes on and on.
I’m shared between them all, kissing them in turn until I’m dizzy. I’m sure if I could see, the whole room would be spinning. I feel wobbly and shaky. I cling to Seb’s shoulders, glad that I’m already sitting down. My breath is coming in shuddery pants. Someone slides their hand over the crotch of my borrowed boxers, and I have to pull away to moan, gasping for air.
For a moment, everyone is silent. Then a finger strokes my hot cheek.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Cyrus says. “Look how pink she is.” I flush even harder, and he laughs, hugging me from behind. “This is going to be fun.”
“Please,” I say breathily. “Take me to bed.” As much as I’d like to be fucked on the living room floor, I don’t want to accidentally splat my hand in a plate of cold food while I’m trying to get off.
Strong arms wrap around me, and I feel myself getting lifted off the ground. I bury my face in the hot chest I’m pressed against, but I can’t tell who it is. Cyrus, maybe? Or Sebastian?
I wriggle around in his grip. “Who are you?” I hiss.
Sebastian’s laugh gives him away. I hear the sound of a door getting kicked open, and then I’m laid out on a soft quilt. Sebastian draws back, and clothes rustle and drop to the floor as the three men undress. I lay there, sprawled on the sheets, my heart thumping as I wait for the first touch.
