“Are you fucking kidding me?” Benny shouts half an hour later, his slice of pepperoni pizza forgotten halfway to his mouth. I wince, winding another strand of hair around my curling iron. We’re both in my bedroom. I’m sitting cross-legged on the floor, getting ready to go out, and he’s sprawled across my bed.
He leans so far forward he almost falls off the mattress. “You shagged both of them?!” He squawks.
I glance up at the ceiling. “Can you keep your voice down?” I hiss. “Apparently, they can hear into my flat.”
He raises his voice. “YOU SHAGGED TWO OF YOUR NEIGHBORS, AND IT WAS THE BEST SEX YOU’VE EVER HAD? YOU’RE DYING TO DO IT AGAIN? YOU’RE RUINED FOR SINGLE-HOLE SEX FOR LIFE? YOU—ow!” He breaks off when I throw a dough ball at his face. “Babe, I can’t believe this! You never take my advice! I’m so proud of you!”
I let the curl fall, bouncing around my face. “How was this your advice? You only told me to shag Jack.”
“I told you to have sex. Ergo, I can take credit for any sexual activities. Wow. I am such a good friend.” He finally remembers his pizza, shoving it into his mouth. “What about the last one?” He mumbles around the mouthful of dough. “You gonna get the full set?”
I set the curling wand down, flicking it off. “The last one?”
“The other guy in the flat? He’s really hot. Kinda looks like Henry Cavill.”
“Sebastian? How do you know what he looks like?”
“He buzzed me in once. Are you gonna fuck him, too? Maybe he wants to join.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me.
I hesitate, looking at myself in the mirror. My shoulders droop.
He frowns. “Hey. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. We got in kind of a fight the other day.” If by fight, you mean I sat there like a loser while he yelled at me like an unruly child.
“Oh no!” He shuffles closer. “What happened?”
“I was playing blocks with his baby. He came running out of his room, tripped on one of them, and then just went off at me.” I lower my voice. “Would it kill you to not trash our flat? This is a bloody mess.” I reach for my makeup bag, pawing through it. “I get that he’s stressed, and whatever. But I really don’t think he has a right to yell at me like I’m a bloody idiot, when I’m looking after his kid for him.”
“Not at all,” he agrees. “He’s your employer. He shouldn’t be treating his workers like that.”
“It’s not really what he said that upset me, though.” I pick up a lipstick tube and stare at the label on the bottom. Badass Bitch. Yeah, right. “I didn’t stand up for myself. I didn’t say anything back. I just apologised, then I cleaned his entire house. I did a bunch of chores for him, Benny. It was like being ten years old again, trying to impress some knobhead foster parent.” I sigh, putting the lipstick down. “I just hate when I do this. I don’t understand why I’m so completely incapable of standing up for myself. I’m so weak.”
“You’re not weak,” he scoffs. “The care system can screw you up in a lot of ways, but one thing it won’t make you is weak.” He takes a swig of rosé, then looks at me from over his wine glass. “You’re solid diamond, babe.”
“Since when? Literally name one time when someone was rude to me, and I didn’t shrivel into a fucking raisin.” I hate this part of myself. I’m not a scared, shy kid anymore, I’m a grown woman. But I’m still so desperate for people to like me. At any sign of conflict, I just become completely subservient. It’s gross.
There’s a sudden, authoritative rap on my front door. I frown, looking at Benny. “You didn’t order more pizza, did you?”
He shakes his head. Shrugging, I stumble over to the front door and yank it open. Sebastian is standing in the hallway, dressed in a navy suit and holding a sleeping Cami in her carrier.
“Oh. It’s you.” I lean on the doorframe, my head spinning slightly from the wine. “What’s this?”
“I’ve got an emergency meeting.” He puts the carrier in my arms. “I need to go into the office.”
I stare down at Cami. She’s dressed in a little pink babygrow with a sheep on it. As I watch, she stirs sleepily, opening and closing her mouth like a little guppy fish.
My first instinct is to say yeah, of course, no problem, see you later. But Benny makes an enraged noise from behind me, and I remember myself. I shake my head. “I’m not looking after her tonight.”
Sebastian looks taken aback. “What?”
“I’m busy.”
He stares at me. “This is an emergency. You can’t cancel? I’ll pay you, obviously.”
Irritation sparks in me. “It didn’t even occur to you to ask me first, did it?”
“Well, I—” He looks over my shoulder at Benny. His face goes cold. “What are you doing that’s so important?”
“I’m going out.”
“Beth. We’re having a real problem with an investor. If I don’t fix this, he might pull out of the project completely.”
I shrug. “Great. That doesn’t have anything to do with me though, does it?” I hand the carrier back to him. “I have a life, too. And I’m not looking after a baby when I’m drunk.”
“You’re drunk?” He says, horrified.
That just pisses me off even more. “Why are you making me feel guilty over this? I’m off the clock! I don’t just sit around in my flat, on-call and waiting for you to snap your fingers at me!”
“But—”
“I’m your employee from eight-to-seven, five days a week,” I say firmly. “After that, you don’t get to tell me what to do. If you need me to work extra hours, you need to tell me in advance, and ask for my help. You can’t just knock on my door and demand I work overtime without any warning. I’m not your wife. This kid is not my child. Just because I live conveniently in your building, doesn’t mean I’m your full-time servant. Take some responsibility for your own daughter, for God’s sake.”
He stares at me, open-mouthed. I bend to press a kiss to Cami’s cheek, then straighten, glare at him, and close the door in his face.
“What a prick,” Benny says from behind me. “I no longer think he’s hot.”
“He’s an arrogant bastard.”
“So arrogant,” Benny agrees. “Bet he wanks in front of the mirror. Bet he winks at his reflection after he comes.”
“I appreciate that you’re trying to support me emotionally, but I really don’t need to think of my boss jerking off.”
He rolls over onto his stomach and studies me. “You like him,” he says softly, curls falling over his face.
The realisation crashes over me like a wave. He’s right. Sebastian is hard, and cold, and rude. And I still somehow fancy him.
“Well. I do have a habit of liking people who treat me like shit. I’m probably one rude email from falling in love with him.” I lean against the door, a weird mixture of guilt and self-hatred twisting in my gut. “I’m pathetic.”
Benny makes a sad noise in the back of his throat. “Come here.” I cross over to the bed, and he pulls me into his muscled arms, hugging me tightly. “You’re not pathetic. I love you.”
“I really like you, too,” I whisper, and he snorts, pushing me towards my wardrobe.
“Alright. Have another drink, put on a pretty dress, and then let’s go out. Trust me: in one hour, you’ll have forgotten all about that prick.”
