Tremors rocked through me as I gripped the steering wheel harder, taking each mountain curve quicker than the last. I’d capitalized on the brief reprieve of Holt’s stunned silence to slip behind the wheel of my truck and head for freedom.
Only freedom didn’t ease any of the pain. I’d thought if I didn’t have to see the look of devastation on his face—the true agony—that it would make it better. It didn’t.
Everything hurt. The pressure behind my eyes pulsed in a way that I knew meant a killer headache was on its way. My throat burned with the aftermath of my sobs. But that was nothing compared to the brutal tearing sensation deep inside my chest.
A riot of emotions sailed through me and moved so fast that I could barely identify one before the next steamrolled over it. Anger. Hurt. Bone-deep grief.
My vision blurred as I made it to town, and I had to blink to keep on the road. The moment the shops and restaurants started popping up, my phone began to ring. I didn’t bother looking down at it. The caller didn’t matter, and the last thing I needed was to get in a wreck on my way home.
My knuckles ached as I held onto the steering wheel, treating it as if it were my lifeline. And maybe it was. It gave me distance that had to help eventually.
The stranglehold my ribs had on my lungs eased a fraction as the town melted into my rearview mirror. I took the turnoff onto the gravel road that would take me home.
As the small cabin came into view, I breathed a little deeper. The glow of lights beckoned. This was my haven. My safe place.
A refuge I’d created for myself. Somewhere I could let down my walls and just be. There was no feeling of eyes on me. No pressure to keep it all together when I was falling apart.
My fingers shook as I pulled the keys from the ignition. I gripped them tightly and started for the door. As soon as I was within range of the cabin, my cell started ringing again. And for the first time, I cursed the cell signal amplifier that Chris and Jude had put in for me. They’d intended it for safety, but now it felt intrusive, like maybe I wasn’t so free of those eyes after all.
I struggled to get the key into the lock as Shadow let out a happy bark behind the door. Finally, I succeeded, and the door opened. Shadow danced and twirled in circles in the entryway.
I let out a laugh that turned into a sob, and she immediately stilled. Shoving the door closed, I slid to the floor. Shadow moved to me instantly, burrowing against my side. My arms came around her, and I pressed my face to her neck as I let my tears fall freely.
All the pain; the destruction of a life that had been so beautiful and held such promise. And for what? Because of five minutes. Three hundred seconds. Because Holt took the world on his shoulders and couldn’t release that Superman mentality.
Five minutes had cost me a lifetime of happiness—or maybe Holt’s stubborn bullheadedness had.
As livid as I was with him, my heart broke for Holt, too. The weight he carried was clearly crushing him. It had cost him his home, his family. Me. And for what? So he could play the noble, tortured hero?
My phone rang again. Grae’s face lit up the screen. When the ringing stopped, a text popped up.
Grae: If you don’t answer the next time, I’m coming over there.
My cell instantly started ringing again, and I slid my finger across the screen. “I’m fine.”
“You’ve always been a horrible liar.”
I laughed, but the sound was hoarse. “Okay, I’m not fine, but I will be.”
She was quiet for a moment. “Want some company? We can watch Little Women for the eighty millionth time and eat our weight in popcorn.”
“Thanks, G, but I think I’m just going to take a shower and go to bed.”
“I’m sorry I pushed you to come. It was selfish. I just kept thinking that maybe I could have all my favorite people together again. But I hurt you, and that makes me a carp friend.”
“Carp?”
“Gotta keep it clean for the little monsters.”
I snorted. “You’re not a carp friend. Not a crap one, either. I get you want things to go back to the way they were. But that’s impossible. Tell me you see that.”
The other end of the call was silent. She’d loved when Holt and I got together. Said it just meant I’d officially be her sister one day. And it wasn’t easy for her to give up on that dream.
“G, I love you. Soul sister for life. But I can’t give you this.” My throat clogged, and tears filled my eyes for the millionth time tonight. “It hurts too much.”
“Wren—”
“I don’t hate him. I want nothing but good things for him. But I can’t have him in my life the way you want me to.” If he moved back for good, I might be able to see him in town occasionally and wave. Have a polite, surface conversation, even. But I couldn’t watch him move on. I couldn’t see him every day, watch him with Lawson’s kids—maybe even his—knowing that we were too broken to ever find our way back to each other.
“Okay,” Grae said softly. “No more meddling. I promise.”
I let out a silent breath. “Thank you.”
“Love you to the ends of the Earth, sister.”
“And to the moon and the stars.”
“Lunch tomorrow?” she asked hopefully.
“Sure. Wildfire?”
“Yes, please.”
My fingers sifted through Shadow’s fur. “I’ll text you when I figure out my break.”
“Sounds like a plan, Stan.”
“’Night, G.”
“Sweet dreams.”
I hit end on the call. I doubted my dreams would be anything resembling sweet.
Shadow let out a low whine.
I climbed to my feet. “Sorry, girl. Let’s take you out.”
The snap of a twig outside my window had my movements slowing. Shadow’s whine turned to a low growl.
“Probably just a curious critter.” But I moved to the table in the entryway, my fingers searching the bowl of odds and ends until it closed around my Taser.
I hooked a leash to Shadow’s collar and wrapped it around my wrist, then turned on the flashlight app on my phone. I listened for a moment. Nothing. Opening the door, I stepped outside.
The usual sounds greeted me. Wind rustling the pines. The scurrying of nocturnal animals.
I tightened my grip on the Taser as I moved around the house to where I’d heard the sound. The beam of my flashlight didn’t land on any creatures, but as I got closer to the window that gave the best vantage point of my entire downstairs, my gaze caught on something.
A depression in the soft soil that would soon be my flower beds. A smudged shoe print.
My fingers numbly skated over my cell’s screen as I stared out at the woods. It rang twice before Lawson answered.
“Everything okay, Wren?”
“I think someone was outside my house. Watching me.”
