Me: Sure, what’s up?
My phone rings a second later.
“Hi.”
“Harley, something’s going on.” Maria’s voice is hushed, and a door closes in the background as though she’s moved into another room.
“What do you mean? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. But Reed and his campaign manager came over earlier. They disappeared into Griffin’s home office almost two hours ago and haven’t come out. I heard Reed. He sounded mad about something.”
My stomach drops to my feet. If they’re all together there, then surely that can only mean one thing.
He knows.
He knows I lied to him.
“Did you hear what he was saying?”
I pace up and down Suze’s kitchen, suddenly glad I’m home alone.
“Something about how it can’t ever be allowed to happen. That he would rather die. God, Harley, it sounds serious. What’s he talking about?”
I lean back against the refrigerator and clasp my shaking hand over my mouth. It can’t ever be allowed to happen. He would rather DIE?
“No,” I sob, sliding down to the floor and dropping my head.
Reed knows. He knows about the video, and that they’re threatening to release it. And he would rather die than ever allow it to be released to the public. What else can he mean? This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. I didn’t want him to know about it. It’s naïve, but I thought Griffin and I could handle it. Griffin is resourceful. I thought he would find someone who could help, and then…
And then what? Arrest them? Let the police take the video for evidence. Show it to an entire jury at trial? Let the press dissect in minute detail everything that Reed went through that night.
No wonder he sounds mad. Mad and desperate for that not to happen. These people—I’m sure it’s more than one from how their message was worded—they will stop at nothing to cause him harm. He’ll never agree to their demands. That’s why they came to me. But what happens now? If he knows about the video and the blackmail, then what happens now?
I draw in a shaky breath as dizziness threatens to take over my head. I have no idea where to go from here. What the hell do I do?
“Harley, what is it? I’m worried. What’s going on?”
“Maria.” My voice is croaky, and I cough, attempting to clear my throat, but all it does is make it drier and scratchy. “There are some people who know something that could hurt Reed. They’re threatening to share what they have on him unless he acts as their lap dog while he’s mayor. They probably suspected they wouldn’t get to him directly, so they came to me. I was the easier target.” I exhale a trembling breath as I lift my head and stare out of the kitchen window at the evening sky.
“You? Why would they… What do they have?” Maria asks, confusion evident in her voice.
“I can’t… I can’t tell you. It’s not for me to say. It’s about Reed. He hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s nothing like that. But it’s something that would hurt him if it came out. I didn’t know what to do. They were putting pressure on me to persuade him to make certain decisions, to try and influence him. But I couldn’t. I can’t do that to him. His integrity… Everything he stands for is truth and justice, and honesty…” I trail off, unsure of what I can say without betraying him.
“That’s why you moved out? So you weren’t in that position?”
“Yes.” I squeeze my eyes shut as tension spreads over my forehead. “I thought… I hoped we could fix it, that Reed wouldn’t get hurt. I can’t see him hurt, Maria,” I whisper as the first hot tear rolls down my cheek.
Her voice softens. “I understand, I do. But, Harley, he’s hurting now. Whatever these people have, is it worse than losing each other?”
I pause to allow her words to sink in.
“Yes,” I breathe. “It is worse. Because I’m scared that it will take him back to a place where he could lose himself.”
If it were me, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I would shut down.
What if this breaks him?
“It is worse, Maria,” I say again. “It’s such a mess. I don’t see a way out of it. Whatever happens, he loses. We both do. And if this thing does come out… I’m scared what will happen. I’ve seen what can happen to people when they’re forced through difficult times. Look at my sister, Rose. She’s barely living. She’s too lost inside of herself. What if that happens to Reed?” My shoulders tremble as I sob.
“Oh, Harley.”
I can tell by the waver in Maria’s voice that she’s crying. This is what friends do. They feel each other’s emotions like their own.
“I don’t know what to do. I’m so worried about him.”
“Okay.” Maria takes a steadying breath and exhales it slowly. “Whatever this thing is that they know about Reed, they will never know him as well as you do. They will never see him like you do. You need to talk to him about it. I’ve seen the way he is with you, Harley. I don’t think being apart is doing either of you any good.”
“The second they know we’re back together, the threats will start again.” I screw my eyes shut as tears course faster down my cheeks.
“Then let them start. You said there’s no way out of this, right? What if you aren’t meant to escape it? What if you’re meant to push through it? You might not come out the same as you went in, but—”
“We’d have each other,” I finish for her.
“Exactly.”
“I… maybe… I just… I’m scared, Maria. I’m scared of doing the wrong thing and it hurting him more.” I wipe the burning tears from my cheeks as I open my eyes.
“I know, I… Wait. They’re coming out.” Maria’s voice drops to a whisper, and I hold my breath as though they’ll hear my breathing through the phone. Which is ridiculous, because if they’re going to hear anything, it’s my heart banging in my chest like a prisoner trying to escape death row.
“Are they…?”
“They’re leaving,” Maria whispers. “Reed and Stuart are leaving, and…”
“Sweetheart?” Griffin’s voice calls in the background.
“Griffin’s looking for you. You need to go. I know he probably won’t say anything. He’s like a vault when it comes to Reed and their friendship, but if—”
“If he does, then I’ll call or text straight away.”
“Thank you.” My heart slows in my chest as I breathe deeply. “Thank you.”
We hang up and I sit on the floor of Suze’s kitchen, staring out of the window. I don’t know how long I stay there before I force myself to my feet and make myself a mug of decaf tea. It’s not like I need to worry about the caffeine. I won’t sleep. But I do it anyway, knowing I should not put any further obstacles in my path.
It’s dark by the time I finish it. I dunked a cookie in and only managed to eat half. My appetite has vanished, evaporated into thin air, just like my hopes of finding whoever sent that video. Surely Griffin would have something by now. Or Stuart? I’m asking so much of them… I… Realization hits me like a gut punch, stealing the air from my lungs.
I’m asking so much of them. But what am I doing?
I’ve run to them for help. And I’ve left Reed, thinking it will help in some way. But what am I actually doing?
I sit in the semi-dark of the kitchen and wrack my brains for something, anything, that might be useful. There must be something, however small. A flicker of a memory comes to me, and the silence of the house suddenly feels deafening as it bounces off the walls, growing, until it’s less of a flicker and more like a tiny flame. One that could, just maybe, ignite a fire.
I pull out my cell phone to call Stuart just as there’s a knock at the door.
“Shit.”
I tap out a text message instead, as fast as my fumbling fingers will allow, telling him my idea. Then I put my phone on the hall table and open the front door.
“Re—?”
His name doesn’t even have a chance to leave my lips before Reed strides in and backs me up against the wall, crashing his lips onto mine.
I sink into him like it’s the most natural thing in the world to be back in his arms again.
“What are you doing here?” I whisper against his mouth as he holds my face between his hands.
“Don’t talk. We can talk later. Just give yourself to me, Harls. I need you. I need you more than ever,” he breathes against my lips, and they part for him like he’s uttered a magic password. He slides his tongue in and kisses me until I’m dizzy.
“Where are Suze and the kids?”
“School thing,” I pant between kisses as I push my fingers into his hair and moan into another kiss he’s giving me. “They won’t be back for a while.”
“Thank you, fucking universe,” he groans as his lips travel down my neck and he pauses to suck the juncture where it meets my shoulder.
“The door’s open,” I manage to say as his hands push up the sides of my t-shirt and the pads of his thumbs stroke my ribs, making me gasp and throw my head back. It’s only been a matter of days since he touched me, but my body is craving him, absorbing his every touch like it’s been starved for eternity.
His lips stay on my neck as he reaches back blindly and slams the front door shut with one hand. Then he drops it to the waistband of my sweatpants and slides inside them, cupping the front of my panties roughly in his palm.
“You’re soaking,” Reed growls, shifting the wet fabric to one side and sliding his thumb over me.
I arch away from the wall at the sudden contact, which makes my legs threaten to buckle underneath me. All I can do is whimper in response as his thumb circles my already swollen clit.
“Have you been wet for me the whole time we’ve been apart, Angel?”
I hum in appreciation as he strokes me, slick arousal spilling from my body to coat his fingers.
“Yes,” I whisper, biting my lip as he adds more pressure.
He groans against my mouth.
“Tell me… have you missed me touching you?” He plunges two fingers inside me, and I cry out, but it’s caught on his lips as he kisses me again and curls his fingers, hitting my G-spot.
“Yes,” I whimper as he works me into a frenzy on his hand, rubbing my clit with his palm as he fingers me until I’m clenching around him and trying to climb up the wall backward as I writhe in his arms.
“Such a wriggler,” he murmurs, planting his free hand firmly around my neck, pinning me in place.
I gasp against his mouth as he sucks on my bottom lip, nipping it gently between his teeth.
His voice drops. “The nights without you have been hell.”
His hand flexes against my throat as his fingers delve deeper, causing my eyes to roll back in my head with pleasure. I can sense him watching me, and when I look back into his gaze, it’s fixed on mine with an intensity that makes my heart skip a beat.
“The days, too. But especially the nights. They’re so fucking long when all I can think about is being deep inside you.”
“Reed,” I moan as a familiar tightening begins gathering strength low in my stomach.
“Tell me you’ve missed me, Angel. I need to hear you say it,” he utters quietly.
“I have.”
He slides his fingers out and adds another, forcing me to accept them as he holds me still.
I swallow, relishing the resistance my neck meets against his hand. I love this. I love feeling like I belong to him. Relinquishing control to him doesn’t make me feel powerless. It’s the opposite. I feel cherished and adored when he takes command of me like this, struggling to hold himself together. I know he isn’t anywhere else right now except firmly in this moment with me. Our eyes lock together as I give my body over to him.
“I have missed you,” I whisper, staring into his darkened eyes. “I never wanted to leave. I’m so sorr—”
“Shh.” He slides his hand down my neck and over my t-shirt, grasping my breast, positioning it so he can dip his head and suck my nipple into his mouth through the fabric.
A moan catches in my throat as he bites.
“I’m going to make you come all over me, Angel. I need to feel you.”
The sound of his zipper hits my ears, and I rest my head against the wall, panting and high with anticipation for what I know is coming. He looks up at me under hooded lids as he sucks my nipple again, making me squirm against him.
I nod, my lips parted, unable to speak properly from how turned on I am. All I manage is a barely-there whisper of “Please.”
Reed tears my sweatpants and panties down my legs, dropping to his knees to pull them off my feet.
“Fuck. You’re so wet, I can see it on your legs.” He runs a tongue slowly up the inside of my thigh, sucking up my arousal with a tortured groan. “You’ve always tasted like heaven to me, Angel. Fucking heaven.”
I’m trembling and grabbing fistfuls of his hair as I ache to have his mouth where I want it.
“Such a pretty pussy,” he murmurs to himself, his voice low and gravelly.
He places his mouth on me, sealing it against my skin, and pleasure explodes instantly, sending shockwaves through my body as he sucks my clit. I crash spectacularly into a giant, shuddering orgasm on his face as my body almost folds in two over him.
“Reed…” I cry out, clinging on to his hair with my hands as he keeps sucking, extending my pleasure to the point where my thighs begin to shake around his face.
“More,” he growls, his tongue moving to rub fast circles over me. “Give me more, Harley!”
He sounds angry, his voice strained, but I barely have time to register it before my first orgasm rolls into another and I’m forced onto my tiptoes as he pushes his mouth against me.
“Give me fucking more!” he demands again, lifting both of my legs over his shoulders until I’m sitting on his face.
I straighten my back against the wall so I don’t fall on top of him. My heart is racing, and a trickle of sweat runs down between my breasts.
Everything is sensitive.
So sensitive.
“I—”
“Don’t you dare say it’s too much. You left me for days.” His voice pitches as though it’s about to break. But he coughs it away and growls again, his hot mouth never leaving my soaking skin. “I’m telling you to come for me again before I fuck you so deep my name will be etched inside your body.”
I shudder at his words and keep my hands in his hair as he parts my thighs wider and presses his tongue inside me, pulling me down onto him and rubbing his face against my skin.
He is literally face-fucking me.
Reed is face-fucking me in Suze’s hallway.
I’m powerless to do anything. He’s got me glued to the wall as his mouth turns me inside out with pleasure.
“Reed, please…”
He doesn’t answer me with words. Instead, he groans and sucks my clit, shaking his head side to side. The movement, paired with the vibration passing from his lips, is too much. I come again, my muscles spasming in deep waves as I fly back against the wall and cry out. The strength of it so great that my vision blurs and my ears ring.
I can barely comprehend what’s going on. Everything sounds like I’m underwater. My feet brush against the ground momentarily, then he lifts me, guiding my legs around his waist.
“Hold on, Angel,” he whispers.
I nod mutely as he fills me to the hilt in one determined thrust.
Our lips are parted, our breath tangling together as he forces me to take him, to stretch around him until I’m quivering in his arms.
“I understand why you left,” he says as he moves inside me, pulling almost all the way out, before driving back in, forcing me against the wall.
“I didn’t know what else to do.” My words come out like a plea. A plea to believe me. To understand.
To forgive me.
“I know,” he hisses as he watches my body accepting him with each deep thrust. “You feel so damn good. So tight.”
He lifts his eyes to mine and the golden flecks adorning the smoky quartz burn brightly. They call to me like a sign.
Another flame.
I have to do whatever it takes to make sure they always burn in his eyes. He’s too brilliant to ever be lost. To be dimmed.
“I never meant to hurt you.”
His lips claim mine again in a kiss as he thrusts so hard that the hall table begins to rock on its legs and bang against the wall.
“I know.”
“What are we going to do?” I suck in a breath as he drives deeper, making me shake around him.
“Right now, we’re going to fuck, Angel. The rest can wait.”
I’m held tightly and I give myself over to the pleasure of Reed driving into my body, fully suited and smelling incredible. The same warm, forest air scent I’ve always loved. Like adventure and home, all in one. I sink one hand into the thick silky strands at the back of his head, and hold on to his tie with the other, keeping him close as we kiss, gasp, and moan against each other’s lips.
His thumbs dig into my ass, and his cock swells inside me with that extra hardness that happens before he comes.
“Reed…”
“I’m close, Harls. Come with me.” His eyes meet mine for a brief second, the golden streaks flashing when I nod at him.
Reed’s orgasm hits first. His jaw clenches as he glances down at our bodies meeting and then looks back up and into my eyes. Feeling his cock throbbing, knowing that he’s spilling himself inside me, sets mine off, and my mouth falls open as I come around him, my body sucking him in deeper with each contraction.
“Fuck,” he hisses, kissing my lips one last time before he buries his head in the crook of my neck and rides the rest of our pleasure out for both of us in deep thrusts.
I stroke his hair, my chest heaving up and down as I try to take in air and slow my pounding heart. I relish the feel of him, buried deep, his body connected with mine. Hot, strong, and big.
Perfect.
“You put everyone else first. I’m so in awe of you, Harls.” Reed’s voice drifts over my neck slowly, a soft caress, as he tilts his head and dusts his lips over the dip beneath my ear. “You’d do anything for me, wouldn’t you?”
“For you, yes,” I whisper, pressing my nose into his hair, content to be held close. To feel his arms around me again. To have his body inside mine again.
To feel his heart thumping in his chest, against me.
“Thank you. I know it hasn’t been easy for you.”
His lips graze along my jaw, and I allow my eyes to flutter closed, lost in the softness of his kiss.
“It’s been harder for you.”
His shoulders stiffen beneath my arms and his grip on me tightens.
“It’s about to get even worse…” He pauses. “I have to let go, Harley.”
Let go?
“What do you mean, let go? What’s—”
The sound of voices coming up the path outside makes us freeze.
My eyes pop, panic gripping me. “It’s Suze and the kids,” I hiss.
I push against Reed’s chest so he will put me down, and I scrabble on the floor, grabbing my sweatpants and pulling them on. My panties are twisted and in no fit state to wear. I swing my head around wildly, looking for somewhere to stuff them because my sweatpants have no pockets.
Reed calmly extracts them from my panicked hands and slides them into the pocket of his suit pants. All he’s had to do is zip up his pants and straighten his tie and he looks as good as ever. A vision in a suit that fits every hardened plane of his toned physique like a glove. Even his hair looks good, all sexily mussed up, like he’s stepped out of a high-end salon. I don’t need to look in the mirror to know that my cheeks are flushed far too pink, my hair probably resembles a bird’s nest, and my lips are likely a deep pink and swollen from all the kissing.
Suze will take one look at me and know exactly what’s been going on.
The front door flies opens, and Mason and Emmerson barrel in, dumping their school backpacks on the floor as Suze bustles in behind them, muttering something to herself about schools being assholes.
“Hello,” Mason and Emmerson call before they run past us toward the kitchen.
“Hello,” Reed answers, his lips twitching as he watches them go, completely unfazed by him being in their hallway.
“They’re hungry. You’re lucky you even got a hello. A grunt would be classed as sophisticated conversation for them at this stage,” Suze says, looking from Reed to me.
Her eyes linger on my face, and I pull my tender bottom lip into my mouth, massaging it with my tongue. I know she can tell that Reed was biting and sucking on it only seconds ago. Suze could be a human lie detector. Maybe it’s a mom thing. She has this skill for knowing when people have been up to something.
My eyes dart to the wall before I can control myself. Suze doesn’t miss it and her brows incline subtly as she follows my gaze.
“Mom,” a voice screeches from the kitchen. “You said you’d make us something to eat.”
“I’m coming,” Suze calls back. “Shall I make some for you as well, or have you already eaten something?” Her eyes glint as she looks at Reed, who’s running his thumb over his lips, looking deep in thought.
I wonder if he can still taste me on him.
“Mom,” the voice shrieks again.
“I said I’m coming.” She looks between us one last time, a soft smile spreading over her face. “Nice to see you, Reed.”
I wait until she’s gone before I turn back to him.
“What were you going to say before… about letting go?”
His eyes widen a fraction, and unease passes over his face, his eyes dimming.
“I…” His brows pull together. “I came here to tell you….” His eyes meet mine, something in them making me freeze. I focus on him completely, the rest of the world grinding to a stop.
“Tell me what?” I whisper.
He shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut like it’s physically painful to say whatever it is he’s about to.
“Then I saw you. And I… I needed to remember how you felt. I couldn’t tell you without feeling you again.”
“Tell me what?” I ask again, my eyes frantically searching his before he drops his gaze away. Dread creeps into my veins like a disease, spreading sickness through my body.
He can’t even look at me.
He’s rolling his lips together, his jaw set firm, his eyes staring into the distance like he’s lost somewhere.
“Reed?” I beg.
“It’ll be okay, you’ll see. It has to be this way. It’s the only answer.”
“What do you mean?” I reach for him, but instead of taking me into his arms, they stay fixed by his side. I grip the lapels of his jacket, desperate for him to hold me again, to feel his lips on my skin.
“It’s time for a fresh start, Harls.”
I stare into his eyes and see the shine in them. The emotion. The regret. He looks so deeply into mine that I’m afraid I will crumble the second he looks away.
I’m not strong enough.
I want to beg. Fall to my knees and grip him, so he can’t walk away.
So he can’t leave me.
“No,” I choke out, my throat suddenly thick as I struggle to swallow.
He looks at me, giving me the softest, most beautiful smile as he traces a thumb down over my cheek.
“It was never going to last forever, Angel.”
I step back from him, the walls spinning.
“Reed, I—”
“Auntie Lee-Lee!” Emmerson appears next to me, tugging on my arm. “Will you please come and eat with me? I want to tell you about school.”
“Emmerson, I told you to stay in here.”
Suze rushes up the hallway, giving us both an apologetic glance. When I look back at Reed, he has his phone in his hand and is frowning at the screen.
“Are you staying?” Suze asks Reed.
“Sorry, no.” He gives her the smile I instantly recognize as his professional one.
His fake one.
“Something’s come up at work. I need to go.” He looks at Emmerson, holding my sleeve, then leans in, kissing me next to my ear. “I’ll call you,” he whispers.
He shouts goodbye to Mason and says goodbye to Emmerson and Suze, and then he’s gone.
His scent lingers in the hallway, but it grows fainter with each breath I take as I stare at the closed door. Soon it will be gone completely.
Like he was never here.
“Come on.” Emmerson tugs on my arm, looking up at me with big eyes. I take her hand and let her lead me into the kitchen, my feet surprising me with how they manage to move themselves.
I’m dazed. Dizzy and disorientated, like I’ve been put in the washer on the fastest spin cycle. Ten minutes ago, I was in Reed’s arms. And now he’s gone. And I’m left with his and Maria’s words ringing in my ears.
It can’t ever be allowed to happen. He would rather die.
“I have to let go, Harley. It’s time for a fresh start. It was never going to last forever, Angel.”
I sit and force down one bite of grilled cheese sandwich with Suze and the kids. I listen to them tell me about their school meeting and how Mason has been chosen to join the school band.
But I can’t taste anything.
My mind keeps wandering.
Back to those words.
“It was never going to last forever, Angel.”
Nausea builds in my stomach, sloshing the grilled cheese around until all I can do to stop it from reappearing over the floor is sip my glass of water repeatedly.
He never wants that video to be released. He would rather die, just like Maria overheard him say.
A cold, creeping dread scatters up my spine.
What was never going to last forever?
Us?
What if he thinks we’re better off apart now? People can’t try and exploit my feelings for him. What if he thinks he can’t trust me because I ran and didn’t talk to him? He said he understood why I left, but does he? Does he really? Reed has always been about honesty between us. What if he can’t forgive me for going to Griffin first instead of him?
What if it’s too much? What if it’s all too much?
Angel.
His name for me has never been so far from the truth.
Angels don’t exist in hell. And that’s where I am now.
He’s gone.
He’s really gone.
And what’s more is that I started this. I left first. I thought I was doing what I had to.
But I’ve just shown him what it’s like to be apart.
And that’s his ‘fresh start’.
Without me.
Tears burn in my eyes, so I make my excuses, thanking Suze for the food, and head to the bathroom. She catches my eye with a worried nod and I know she’s waiting until the kids are in bed so we can talk. But I don’t know what to tell her.
How can I explain what just happened without my soul tearing in two? There are no words to describe how numb and empty I feel.
I asked Reed to make love to me all night when I knew I was leaving.
Tonight was Reed saying goodbye.
