The door opens, and I hear it quietly click shut.
I glance at the clock and read that it’s just past one in the morning.
The boys lost tonight, eliminating them from the playoffs. I didn’t watch the game. I couldn’t even stomach it. I know they lost because I receive alerts on my phone about the Agitators, and I saw the headline. I sent a quick text to Pacey, letting him know how sorry I was that they lost, and he apologized for losing on my birthday and that he plans on celebrating me when he gets back.
Winnie and Blakely came over to spend the day with me. I moped around for the first half, crying a few times because I honestly didn’t know what I did wrong. Did he get weird because I gave him gummy bears? I was just trying to be nice. All morning, I tried to think of the moment I messed up, when I should have done something different, and all I came up with was the gummy bears.
I want to say that not hearing from Eli didn’t really affect me at all, but it did. I’ve come to the realization that no matter how hard I try, I like the man. And those feelings probably won’t ever go away, which is sad—because I picked the wrong person to fall for.
He’s so easily detachable from my life, despite me wanting to cling to him. And the worst part of it is that he doesn’t even realize how much it pains me to see him walk away, to watch him distance himself.
I can hear him move around the living room, and for a second, I wonder if he’s going to sleep on the couch. I almost wish he went straight back to his place, where I don’t have to have this twisting ball of anxiety pulsing through me, wondering what he’s going to do.
And then . . . he starts toward the bedroom.
Oh, God.
Panic ricochets through me. Should I act like I’m asleep? Keep my eyes open? Confront him? Ask him to leave?
I don’t have enough time to decide before he opens the bedroom door. From the light of the moon, I see he’s removed his suit jacket, and the buttons of his shirt have been undone, offering a view of his devastating, well-defined chest and abs.
Just like that, tears form in the backs of my eyes, and I curse myself for being so emotional over this man. For letting him hold rent all day—every day—in my head, twisting and turning my emotions until I can barely breathe.
I watch as he moves toward me carefully, and when his eyes meet mine, he pauses. Quietly, he says, “Are you awake?”
Holding back tears, I say, “Yes.”
“Penny . . .” He closes the distance between us. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” I say, my voice wobbly. “Maybe you should just go to your place.”
He reaches the bed and stands over me. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Of course he’s not. Because he doesn’t want to be told what to do . . . because he does everything on his time.
Pushing the blankets off me, I sit up on my knees so I can look at him better. His eyes quickly fall to my nightgown, the one that he loves so much, and then back to my eyes.
“I am barely holding it together, Eli,” I say. “Please, just leave.”
But he doesn’t move.
Nor does he reply. Slowly, his eyes flit over me, taking in every last inch. They fall to my chest, my collarbone, my neck . . . my lips. His breathing grows heavier as the air in the room seems to still, and silence captures both of us.
What is he doing?
Why isn’t he saying anything?
Why does he keep staring at my lips?
Before I can ask, he takes a step forward, and I gasp just before his hand slides behind my head, and his lips capture mine in one unexpected yet powerful kiss.
A kiss that lasts only a few seconds before I’m pushing him away.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
He glides his tongue over his lips as if he’s granting himself another taste of me. “Giving in.”
“Giving in to what?”
He turns away, and I don’t miss the uncertainty in his tense shoulders and the way he pulls ferociously on his hair before turning back around.
When his desperate eyes meet mine, he says, “No matter how hard I try, Penny, I can’t separate my feelings from being the co-parent you need. I like you, want you . . . need you, and I’m a fucking moron for not saying it earlier, for trying to push you away instead.”
My heart stills and I feel my lungs beg, plead for a breath.
“Wh-what are you saying?” I ask.
He cups my cheek as he says, “I can’t stay away anymore. I want your lips, I want your body, I want . . . you.” His other hand grips my hip and then rises to my rib cage, where he holds me tightly, in place, not letting me stray any farther away from him. “I’m sorry for everything. For pushing you away, for fucking up your birthday, and for making you cry when you deserve nothing but happiness.” His nose passes over mine. “Please, Penny, please tell me I have a chance.”
His lips are a whisper over mine, never taking, just taunting.
I want to hurt him. Tell him to leave, to take his hands off me, but even though there might be some satisfaction in seeing him sulk away, I don’t think it outweighs the satisfaction of giving in to his touch.
“You hurt me,” I say quietly.
“And I’ll spend however long it takes to make it up to you.” His lips nip at mine, his hand traveling farther up my ribs until his thumb is stroking the bottom of my breast.
“I have feelings for you, Eli. I don’t want to get hurt even more if I give in.”
“I don’t want to fucking hurt you, ever, Penny.” His nose drags over my cheek and then to my ear. His thumb passes over my nipple, and I arch into his grasp. “I’m so goddamn sorry for everything. Let me show you the kind of man I can be for you,” he whispers.
My hands fall to his chest, then rise to his shoulders. I slip them under the fabric of his dress shirt and slowly move the fabric over his shoulders and down his arms. He assists me in taking it off, only for his hands to return, one just beneath my breast, the other now at the arch of my back.
“Are you going to push me away again?” He shakes his head as his lips glide over my jaw, and his hand moves up over my breast and pulls down the fabric of my nightgown, exposing me.
“No, I can’t. I tried that, and it just made me both miserable and need you even more.”
I slip my hands down his back and under the waistband of his pants. “I’m scared.”
His mouth moves over mine, never kissing, just teasing. “Me too, Penny.”
“I like you, Eli, a lot.”
He pauses and then connects our foreheads as he pushes the nightgown straps over my shoulders and down my arms. “I like you so goddamn much,” he says.
“Don’t hurt me.” Please, please don’t hurt me. I won’t survive it.
“I won’t,” he says. He then slides the rest of my nightgown down my body until it pools at my knees, leaving me completely naked.
Eyes trained on each other, I move my hands to the front of his pants, and I undo them, fumbling with the zipper as it rides against his thick erection. When they’re finally undone, I inch my hand down the front and grip him tightly, causing him to hiss with satisfaction.
“Fuck, Penny.” His nose rubs against mine again, his lips testing mine with the smallest of kisses. When I kiss him back, he loses all self-control and pushes me back on the bed, removing the rest of my nightgown. “Please tell me you want this, you want me,” he says as his hand slowly moves up my stomach, his lips passing over mine.
I pull his cock out past the waistband of the boxers, the tip pressing against his stomach. “I want this, Eli. I wish I didn’t, it would be so much easier, but I want you.”
He peppers kisses down my jaw and over my neck as he says, “This is new to me, Penny. These feelings, they’re so strong, I can’t fucking let you go. But please, help me navigate them.”
He teases my hardened nipple with his fingers.
“I will.” I arch into his hand.
He kisses along my collarbone and then down my chest until he pulls my nipple into his mouth.
“Yes,” I call out, sifting my hands through his hair. “God, Eli, I’ve wanted you for so long. Wanted this.”
He sucks and pulls . . . and nibbles, and when he lifts up, he says, “I’ve dreamed of having my mouth on your body again. Yearned for it. Craved you.”
He moves to my other breast. His hand slides down to the swell of my stomach, where he pauses for a second and then continues down, then pushes my legs open. I let them fall as wide as I can, giving him all the access he wants.
His mouth still on my breast, he glides his fingers down my center.
“Fuck, Penny, you’re so wet.”
“And sensitive,” I say as I feel my orgasm already start to form. “I come fast, Eli.”
“Perfect.” He brings his mouth back up to mine and presses his thumb to my clit. His lips cover mine, swallowing my gasp as his tongue dives into my mouth and tangles with mine.
My hips have a mind of their own as they rotate against his thumb. A pressure immediately builds in my core, causing my limbs to feel weightless. It’s as if they don’t even exist, and the only thing that matters is the way his tongue dances against mine and his thumb massages my clit.
Up and down.
Sliding.
Gliding.
Building the pressure so deep inside me that I’m panting against his mouth.
“Eli, I’m . . . oh God.” I can’t get the words out before I’m coming on his fingers. I moan loudly, gripping his hair until I can’t take the pressure anymore, and move his hand away so I can catch my breath. “Oh my God,” I say as my body melts into the mattress.
He kisses me tenderly on my lips, then my cheeks, my chin, my eyes . . .
And he pulls away. I glance up at him to see his erection looking painfully hard. He pushes his pants and briefs down just enough to release his cock from its confines and begins to stroke himself while staring down at me. It’s the most erotic and fascinating thing I’ve ever seen.
He doesn’t just stroke. He rotates and pulls, passing his hand over the head of his cock every so often and then bringing his hand to his balls where he gives them a gentle squeeze before repeating the process.
“Aren’t you tired of your hand?” I ask him.
He smirks down at me. The devil himself could be tainted by that look. God, I have missed that grin. “Yes, this cock wants your pussy more than you can imagine, but I know my limits, what I’ve earned, and it’s not that just yet.”
“Says who?” I sit in front of him and drop his pants and briefs all the way down his legs. He keeps a hold on his cock as he steps out of them.
“I say.”
I move my finger over the contours of his abs. “And who made you the decision maker?”
“No one, you literally control me, Penny. You have to know that.”
“If that’s the case.” I bring my finger down to the tip, where I catch his precum, continuing slowly down the side of his cock. I reach forward, my mouth a few inches in front of him, and run my tongue over the tip. He hisses in reply. “I want your cock in my mouth.”
“Penny . . . no—”
But I have my mouth over the head before he can even protest. My hands fall to his hips, and I hold him steady as I bob my head over his cock, licking and sucking just enough to drive him crazy.
“Jesus,” he groans as his hand sifts through my hair. “Fuck, Penny, I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you.”
“You don’t,” I say as I pull my mouth from his cock, “but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you.”
I move up his body, dragging my hands with me until I reach his face. I grip his cheeks, and I bring his mouth to mine. He pulls me against his erection and returns the kiss. And we stand there, holding each other, our mouths doing all the work. I can’t remember the last time I just made out with someone, enjoyed the feel of their warm body against mine, or the welcoming hold of a man.
But it’s addicting, and it’s turning me on all over again.
“I want you in me,” I say against his mouth.
He grips my hips and turns me around, a one-eighty against his body so my back is to his stomach and his head is draping over my shoulder. With two fingers, he snags my chin, pulling me to the left until I find his lips again while his other hand plays with my breasts.
Our tongues clash.
Our breaths sync.
And his cock presses against the seam of my ass. The sensation of his girth sliding over my skin causes sweat to break out across my neck. There’s a yearning so deep within me to pulse with such overwhelming need that my kisses grow faster as I move my hips against him.
“Shit,” he mutters as his hand glides gently over the column of my neck. “Penny . . .”
“Hmm?” I ask when he pinches my nipple.
He moves his mouth to my ear and slowly and deliberately says, “I want to fuck you . . . bare.”
“Do it,” I say as I rest my head against his strong shoulder, his hand playing carefully with my neck. “Fuck me, Eli. I want to feel all of you.”
His fingers pass over my trachea before moving to the back of my neck. With his hand at my waist, he bends me forward by holding my hips back and pushing me down so my hands land on the mattress in front of me.
That’s when he steps away and smooths his hand over my backside.
“I want you to be mine, Penny. If I fuck you, right now, that means you’re mine.”
My head drops as I spread my legs a little wider for him. “I’ve been yours since the night of your birthday. That has never changed.”
“Good answer.” His hands run up my back and then down again, where he lifts it, only to return a light smack to my right ass cheek.
“Oh God,” I yelp in surprise right before a wave of lust rocks through me. “Eli . . . I—”
Smack.
“Oh fuck,” I moan, my back arching, my pussy so wet now that I fear what will happen next.
I await his next smack, but instead of it coming, I hear him behind me, sifting through my nightstand. I glance over my shoulder and see that he has my clit stimulator in hand.
“I won’t need that,” I say. “I’m already on edge.”
“I didn’t ask if you needed it. I know you’ll come with only my cock. But I want you to have it,” he replies before landing another spank on my ass.
“Oh God.” I nearly cry as my clit pulses between my legs. “Eli, I’m right there, ready to come. Please, just fuck me.”
“You want my cock?”
“Yes.”
“Good,” he says as I feel his tip at my entrance. I angle my ass up, giving him better access, and he slips an inch in.
“More. All of you.”
His hand smooths over my ass where he’s smacked it. “Patience, Penny.”
“You don’t understand. I need to come, my clit . . . it feels so heavy, I need the release.”
“Then maybe I should just fuck you with my tongue.”
“No,” I cry out. “Give me your cock.”
“Fucking Christ,” he mutters. “That’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard.” And then he plunges his cock inside me in one giant thrust.
“Yessss,” I cry out just before my clit stimulator is turned on and placed exactly in the right spot. It sucks my clit, and my legs quiver from the pressure of my orgasm building. “Eli, I’m going to come, please, fuck me.”
“Goddammit, you’re pulsing around me.”
“Fuck me,” I say, trying to hold back, trying to wait.
He grips my hip with his free hand, and in seconds, he’s pounding into me. The sensation of his bare girth sliding against my walls and the feel of the stimulator sucking on my clit over and over again. It’s too much, and I’m coming in seconds, calling out his name as I grip the sheets on the bed.
The stimulator falls to the ground, rattling against the floor as he grips both of my hips and thrusts into them over and over, prolonging my orgasm until he stills and groans over me.
“Motherfucker,” he says as his cock swells. I can feel him release, grinding against me until he’s completely done. After a few moments, he leans forward and presses a kiss between my shoulder blades before releasing himself from me.
I’m about to stand when he bends down and lifts me into his arms. Out of instinct, I put my arms around his neck and look into his eyes.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Taking care of you,” he answers as he walks us to the bathroom. He sets me down on the counter and then steps between my legs. His hands smooth over my hair, and he leans forward, connecting our heads. “Penny?”
“Yes?” I ask, my hands now on his chest.
“I’m so sorry I fucked things up.”
“I know,” I say as I detect the vulnerability in his voice. “But we’re moving on.”
His eyes meet mine. “And you’re moving on with me?”
“Yes,” I answer, bringing his lips to mine. “I’m moving on with you, Eli.”
We make out for a few more minutes, just like that, me on the bathroom counter, him holding me tightly, exploring my mouth, never letting go.
“Missed you, Penny. So fucking much.”
“Missed you too, Eli.”
We spend the next few minutes cleaning up and getting ready for bed. I reach for my nightgown, but he pulls it away and kisses my shoulder, asking me to sleep naked with him.
I couldn’t think of anything better than to be skin on skin with this man.
We both get under the covers, and when he pulls me into him tonight, instead of my back to his stomach, I rest my head on his chest and curl my arm around him.
“Do you have any plans tomorrow?” he asks as he softly strokes my skin.
“Well, I was supposed to work, but the team I work for was eliminated from the playoffs tonight.”
“They didn’t deserve to be in it. Most of them didn’t have their heads in the game.”
“You being one of them,” I say as I drag my finger over his abs.
“Yeah, my heart and head weren’t in it. I’d never say this to the guys, but I’m glad we’re done.”
“Uh . . . yeah, don’t ever say that to the guys.” He chuckles, but I ask, “Why are you glad?”
“It was too much to figure out, everything between you and me, the unknown, and walking on eggshells around Pacey. I just needed a second, you know? But you can’t have a second during the season. It’s a constant grind.”
“I get it. So, then why are you asking about tomorrow?”
“I want to take you out for your birthday. I royally fucked up and want to make it up to you.”
“That’s not necessary, Eli.”
“It is for me.” He tilts my chin up so I have to look him in the eyes. “Please, let me do this for you.”
I sigh heavily and curl into him again. “I mean if you must.”
He chuckles. “I must.” And then he kisses the top of my head. “Penny?”
“Yeah?” I ask as my hand wanders farther down his abs. “I hope you realize, I’m going to fuck you again . . . and again . . . and again. I hope you aren’t planning on sleeping.”
“Wouldn’t even dream of it.”
“GOOD MORNING,” I say as Eli hovers over me, a smile on his face.
“Happy Birthday.”
“It was yesterday,” I groan as I attempt to close my eyes again, but he’s not going to have anything to do with that as he pulls the covers off my body.
“Eli, this is not how you wake someone. I’m naked and cold.”
His hand slides up my back. “Quite aware you’re naked. That’s why I’m going to need you to sit on my face.”
“Huh?” I ask, opening my eyes just as he lies back on the mattress.
“I said, sit on my face.” In one fell swoop, he maneuvers me out of my comfortable curled-up spot, and he positions me on his stomach.
“Eli, what on earth?”
“Babe.” He gives me a look as the nickname makes my stomach feel all warm and fuzzy. “I want that pussy. Now sit on my goddamn face.”
He grabs my hips and moves me closer until I’m right up against the headboard, my pussy right at his mouth.
“Perfect.” He parts me with his fingers and then presses his tongue to my clit.
“Oh Jesus,” I say, knowing once again, it’s going to be quick for me. This pregnancy has made me hypersensitive.
“Fuck, I can feel you getting wet on my tongue.” He laps at my clit with long, languid strokes. It feels so good that I start to move my hips, searching out more. He does the same as he presses two fingers inside me.
“Oh, Eli,” I moan, my hands fully on the headboard now, gripping hard, while I’m riding his tongue. “God, this is . . . I’ve never done this before.”
And then something occurs in my mind. If I’m this turned on, how turned on is he?
From over my shoulder, I check on his cock and see that it’s hard as stone and stretching up his stomach. The veins desperately search for any kind of relief from the blood pooling inside them.
I lift off him, and just as he protests, I rotate and stick my pussy back near his face as I lift his cock and suck him hard into my mouth.
“Fucking Christ,” he moans as his thick quads flex beneath me. “Ahh, baby, you’re so good at that. So fucking good.”
I swirl my tongue over the head of his cock three times before flicking my tongue on the underside. While squeezing the base, I repeat the motion over and over again.
His tongue has slowed down on my clit, now just tenderly flicking it, driving me nuts as he pushes his hips at me.
“Shit, I’m sorry. You’re just . . . fuck, you’re making me forget.”
He spreads me again, and this time, he sucks my clit into his mouth, and I nearly fly right off his cock. A feral cry falls past my lips. He does the same from the squeeze I have on him, and then together, we try to make each other come faster.
Him sucking on my clit.
Me sucking on his cock.
We moan together.
We rock together.
When we can’t take anymore, pleasure rips through us, and we both come in each other’s mouths, riding out the last of our orgasms until nothing is left.
Breathing heavily, I roll off him and lie flat on the bed, my back on the mattress. I stare at the ceiling and press my hand to my heart.
He crawls over me and presses a soft kiss to my lips. “You taste so fucking good, Penny.” Then he moves down my body and kisses my stomach. “You have a little bump.”
“Yeah, it’s really popped out in the last couple of days. I need to get some more maternity clothes because things aren’t really fitting that much anymore.”
“Then I know exactly what we’re doing today,” he says, pressing another kiss to my stomach. “Shopping spree.” He wiggles his eyebrows, and I laugh out loud.
“Why do you seem more excited about the prospect of shopping for clothes than I do?”
“You’re not?”
“No, I am,” I say. I stand from the bed, he holds out his button-up shirt to me, and I slip into it as he puts on a pair of shorts. I only bother with a few buttons because what’s the point, really? I just sat on the man’s face. “But you seem really excited.”
He lifts my hand to his lips, where he presses a light kiss. “I’m just excited about spending some time with you.”
“You know, some hockey players would be mourning the season.”
“Sometimes, there are more important things than hockey, and I’m staring right at one.”
“The charming side of you is dangerous, and if I can remember, that’s how I got pregnant in the first place.”
He laughs and pushes me down the hallway to the kitchen, where he gently lifts me up and places me on the counter. I yelp from how cold it is at first but then quickly get used to the chilly stone on the backs of my legs. It’s relatively easy to ignore because the man in front of me is the Eli I recall from months ago. He’s stupidly sexy and joyfully confident again.
“What do you want for breakfast?” He opens the fridge to absolutely nothing. With a brow raised, he looks over his shoulder. “Uh, there is no food in here.”
“Been kind of busy freaking out over the boy who wouldn’t talk to me on my birthday.”
He winces and straightens. “Can we never talk about that again? It legit gives me a stomachache.”
“Too soon to joke about?”
“Too soon.”
I bring him in close and wrap my legs around his waist. “Sorry, but it is the truth.”
“I know.” His hands smooth up my thighs. That’s all I need. That little touch and I’m lit up again.
I wrap my hand around his head, and I bring him close so I can open-mouth kiss him. He, of course, matches my kisses, my tongue strokes, and when I peel out of his shirt, he moves his mouth down my chest to one of my breasts.
“Seriously, babe?” he asks when his fingers find just how wet I am.
I lean back on the counter and spread my legs as he undoes the last button of the shirt and flips it open.
“I need your cock,” I say.
“Christ,” he mutters as he brings his cock out of his pants and gives it a few strokes. I watch as it grows in his hand, thicker and thicker. My mouth waters from the prospect of having him inside me. Stretching me. Pounding into me until I’m coming all over again.
“Eli, fuck me.”
He growls something deep in his throat and then lines his cock up to my entrance only to pull my hips down and insert me on him.
“Yes,” I cry out as he pulls me off the counter and flips us around so we’re pressed up against the wall.
“Is this okay?” he asks.
“God, yes. Please just make me come.”
He doesn’t say anything else as he grips my thighs and moves me up and down against the wall.
Pushing.
Pulsing.
Grunting.
Our sweat mixes, our groans compete with each other, and when my orgasm builds, I kiss him until I’m moaning so loud I can hear my voice vibrate off the walls as I come all over his cock.
It takes him a few more strokes, but he’s right there with me, falling over the edge.
After a few deep breaths, he asks, “Are you okay?”
I sigh into his hold. “More than okay.” I bring my hands to the back of his head and play with the short strands. “Really freaking okay.”
He smirks, and I’m a messy puddle of goo. I’m not sure how I got to be in this position. In Eli’s arms, it feels like a blur, but now that he’s here, I don’t want to let him go.
