The dormitory was uncharacteristically busy when Neil made it back at nine. The football game had ended about the same time he’d run away, and now some of the after-party crowds were slowly drifting back. People yelled to each other up and down the hall, and loud music blasted through open doors here and there. Neil wound his way through the chaos toward the Foxes’ rooms. They were the only three closed doors this side of the stairwell.
He stopped in front of Andrew’s door but couldn’t make himself knock. His hand was shaking when he looked at it, so he balled it into a fist. He’d almost gotten up the nerve to move when the door opened without warning.
‘Oh, he made it,’ Andrew said. ‘That’s interesting.’
He pressed two fingers to Neil’s throat, checking his pulse. When Neil tried to bat him away, Andrew caught his wrist with his free hand. His smile was small and fierce as he leaned forward into Neil’s space.
‘Remember this feeling. This is the moment you stop being the rabbit.’
Neil was too startled to answer, but Andrew didn’t wait. He slid past Neil, using the weight of his body and his grip on Neil’s wrist to pull Neil with him out of the way of the door. He let go in the middle of the hallway and slipped his hands in his pockets to wait.
Nicky was the next out of the room. When he saw Neil his grin lit up his entire face. Aaron looked skeptical when he followed, but he glanced at Andrew and said nothing. Kevin’s expression was the hardest to read as he stepped out and closed the door behind him. Neil looked from Kevin to Andrew, who was still watching him like he was waiting for something.
Movement two doors down gave Neil a reason to look away from Andrew again. Five strangers were knocking on his suite door. Seth stepped out to greet them, slapping backs and high-fiving as he moved into their ranks. Allison wasn’t far behind them. She pressed against Seth’s back and slid her hands down his sides to his pants. Neil watched as she systematically dug through all of his pockets. She came back with just a lighter and a crumpled stick of gum.
Seth sent her an annoyed look over his shoulder. ‘I’m not stupid.’
She kissed him to shut him up and put his lighter back where she’d found it. The gum she tossed behind her as worthless. She almost hit Matt with it as Matt and Dan stepped into the suite doorway. When Matt turned to avoid it, he spotted Neil. The relief on his face was unexpected.
‘Neil, you made it,’ he said, loud enough even Allison and Seth turned to see. Neil looked from one face to the other, wondering what he’d missed. ‘Seth and Allison are going bar-hopping downtown, so the rest of us are prepping a movie marathon. Any requests or recommendations?’
‘You’re leaving campus?’ Nicky asked Allison. ‘Are you serious?’
Allison scowled at him and wound her arms tighter around Seth. ‘It’s none of your business.’
Matt glanced at Allison, expression tight, but kept talking to Neil. ‘Renee should be back with drinks any second. She said she’d get something nonalcoholic for the two of you.’
‘Oh, what a waste,’ Andrew said. ‘I’m buying Neil’s drinks tonight.’
It took them a couple seconds to catch on. When they did, Dan lurched out of the doorway with a hard, ‘You’re joking.’
Andrew laughed at her outrage. ‘You wish I was.’
‘The last time he went out with you he hitchhiked his way back,’ Dan said. Seth’s friends looked from her to Andrew with blatant interest, but Dan didn’t seem to notice the attention. She stabbed a finger at Andrew and said, ‘He is not going out with you again. He’ll probably wind up dead this time.’
‘Jesus, Dan,’ Nicky said. ‘When you say things like that it makes me think you don’t trust us.’
‘No one trusts you,’ Matt said. ‘What are you playing at?’
‘It’s not really any of your business,’ Aaron said.
‘I said he’s not going,’ Dan said. ‘Neil, don’t let him push you around.’
Andrew nudged Neil with his elbow and said in German, ‘Hey, Neil. Isn’t that amazing? Isn’t that touching? Look how they weep over you. Ah, such misplaced concern. Tell them you can take care of yourself.’
Andrew was daring him to cross a line, to give up a little more of the lie that was Neil Josten. It went against everything Neil knew to give in, but he’d chosen this path. He’d chosen Andrew. He buried his fear as deep as he could and answered in German.
‘They’re not stupid enough to think it’s only a drink.’
‘Oh shit,’ Nicky said, switching languages in a heartbeat. ‘Since when do you speak German? Andrew, you knew about this? Why didn’t you tell us?’
‘Boring,’ Andrew said. ‘Figure things out for yourself once in a while.’
Nicky waggled a hand at Aaron. ‘Quick. Have we said anything totally incriminating these past few months?’
‘Aside from your endless inappropriate comments about what you’d like to do to him, I don’t think so. Looks like you’ve managed to completely embarrass yourself in both languages.’ Aaron looked at Neil. ‘When were you going to tell us?’
‘I wasn’t,’ Neil said. ‘After everything I’ve put up with from you this year I figured I didn’t owe you any favors.’
Aaron shrugged and let it slide. Nicky rubbed at his face and muttered under his breath. Down the hall the upperclassmen stared at them in disbelief. Matt was the first to get his tongue back, but the best he came up with was, ‘I thought you spoke French. That was French this morning, right? At Kathy’s?’
‘I’ll see you tomorrow,’ Neil said in English.
‘We’re going,’ Andrew said, and went down the hall with Kevin on his heels.
‘Neil, this isn’t a good idea,’ Dan said.
‘I know,’ Neil said, and turned after Kevin and Andrew. Aaron and Nicky fell in behind him. They went down the stairs as a small procession, a line of black with Neil the sore thumb in the middle. He ended up in the same seat as last time, tucked between the brothers in back. He’d just buckled when Nicky reached back and dropped a bag in his lap. Neil poked it open and saw dark cloth inside.
The last time they went to Columbia it was a quiet ride. This time it couldn’t be, since Andrew still had a bit over an hour’s worth of energy from his medicine. Nicky and Andrew talked the whole way there, Nicky bouncing topics from movies to music and Andrew cheerfully arguing with almost everything he said. They were almost to Columbia before Andrew’s answers started slowing down. Nicky started dominating more of the conversation, and Andrew’s silences stretched a little longer.
Sweetie’s was just as busy tonight as it had been on their first visit, but they were lucky enough to show up when a car was pulling out. Nicky stole the spot with a triumphant pump of his fist and the five headed inside together. There were two groups ahead of them waiting for a table. Kevin gave their name to the hostess. Andrew looked at Neil.
‘We need a number for crackers. Are you in or out?’
‘Do I really have a choice this time?’ Neil asked.
‘From now on you do,’ Andrew said.
Neil didn’t believe him, but he shook his head. Andrew pointed at Neil’s bag and walked off to the salad bar to collect cracker packets. Neil looked for a bathroom sign, but Nicky tapped him on the shoulder and led the way. Neil followed him into the bathroom and dumped the bag out on the counter.
‘This is new,’ Neil said.
‘It’d be tacky to wear the same thing twice, wouldn’t it?’ Nicky asked.
‘Don’t buy me things.’
‘Sure, next time Andrew says to outfit you, I’ll just tell him no. I can see that going over marvelously.’ Nicky rolled his eyes.
‘Then let me pay you back.’
‘How to say this?’ Nicky thought it over for a second, then gave up on tact. ‘You could obviously use the money more than he could right now. Let Andrew give you things if he wants to. He’s not normally the gifting type, so it’s kind of fun.’
‘I have my own money,’ Neil said. ‘I don’t need handouts.’
‘Really?’ Nicky asked, sending Neil’s clothes a meaningful look.
Neil stared at him. He knew Andrew hadn’t told the others about his fluency in German, but he hadn’t realized Andrew kept quiet about his money, too. That meant Andrew had kept all of Neil’s secrets save one: the truth about his eyes. According to Nicky it hadn’t been much of a secret. But Andrew had found Neil’s money before their truce in Wymack’s living room. He hadn’t had a reason to protect Neil then, so why had he stayed quiet?
‘Really,’ Neil said at last. ‘I saved some up before I moved here.’
‘Good,’ Nicky said. ‘Then we should go shopping tomorrow and buy you new clothes. Coach is pretty mad we haven’t done it yet. He’s as sick as we are of seeing you in the same things over and over.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with my clothes.’
‘That’s what you think. Now that you’re ours, we’ve got to take care of you. First order of business is fixing your miserable wardrobe.’ Nicky’s grin faded a bit at the look on Neil’s face. ‘Okay, no. What’s with the blank stare? You do know what you’re doing out with us tonight, right? Andrew squeezed some sort of explanation into his usual crazy nonsense?’
‘Sort of,’ Neil said. ‘He said he’d have answers for me later.’
‘You’ve got to be kidding me.’ Nicky looked pained. ‘This means Andrew is keeping you, same as he kept Kevin. It means you’re part of the family now.’
‘I don’t believe in family.’
‘Who does these days?’
It was a strange thing for Nicky to say considering he had cousins on the team. Judging by his heavy sigh, Nicky had no problems interpreting Neil’s expression. Nicky made air quotes with his fingers. As soon as he spoke Neil knew whose words he was echoing, but Neil doubted Andrew sounded so tired when he first said it: ‘Being related doesn’t make us family.’
Nicky stuffed his hands in his pockets and turned a pensive look on his reflection. ‘I know why Andrew feels that way, and I understand why he and Aaron can’t stand each other, but I’m not willing to give up on them yet. I want to fix this and show them they’re wrong.’
‘Do they hate each other?’ Neil asked, surprised.
He searched his memories for signs of trouble between the twins and came back with nothing. It was that nothingness that now stood out in his thoughts. Andrew and Aaron didn’t fight, but they didn’t really interact either. He’d only seen them speak to each other a couple times. He’d never even seen them sit side by side; someone always sat or stood between them. Aaron wasn’t even allowed to drive Andrew’s car.
‘I wouldn’t say they hate each other, but they’ve got some pretty serious issues. Wouldn’t you if you were them?’ Nicky asked. ‘Family means something different with us because it has to. It’s not about blood. It’s not even about who we like. It’s about who Andrew’s willing to protect.’
Neil’s stomach twisted with another chilly what-if. ‘And he’s including me because of this morning?’
‘Partly,’ Nicky said. ‘But partly because you’re the reason Kevin’s going to stay with our team. Andrew’s got Kevin’s back, but you’ve got Kevin’s attention. You’re as freakishly obsessed with Exy as he is. That makes you invaluable to Andrew.’
Neil weighed that in silence, then finally gathered his clothes and turned to a stall. Nicky touched his shoulder before he could step away from the sink.
‘Look, I know we screwed up last time. Please believe me when I say Andrew was just looking out for the rest of us. He didn’t want to take any chances. But things are different now. You’re one of us, which means we’ll never push you further than you’re willing to go. Okay?’
‘I guess we’ll see.’ Neil locked himself in the stall and changed.
Nicky’s stare was appreciative when Neil returned, but for once he kept his mouth shut. Neil started for the door, then doubled back to the sink. He pulled out his contacts and flicked them into the trash. When he looked up at the mirror, bright blue eyes stared back. Neil couldn’t be himself, but maybe he could be the Neil he’d given Andrew in Wymack’s living room.
The others were already seated by the time they made it out of the bathroom. A waitress finished jotting down their orders and stepped out of the way to let Neil and Nicky sit. Nicky went first, graciously leaving the outside seat for Neil.
Aaron arched an eyebrow at Nicky. ‘Drown in the toilet?’
‘Even quickies take time, you know,’ Nicky said.
‘Don’t make me sick.’
‘You know, if you’d get around to popping Katelyn one, you wouldn’t be so anal.’ Nicky ducked when Aaron threw a wadded-up napkin at him. ‘It’s true. You are bringing her to the banquet, aren’t you?’
‘I haven’t asked her yet.’
‘I think Andrew should ask her and see if she can tell the difference.’
Andrew’s smile was slow. ‘Okay.’
‘You aren’t funny,’ Aaron said to Nicky. ‘Shut up.’
They ate in silence when their ice cream showed up. The money Aaron left on the table was too much for just dessert, so Neil assumed they’d gotten their drugs.
The line outside Eden’s Twilight was half the size as it was last time. Nicky blamed it on South Carolina’s blue laws. Apparently alcohol sales were prohibited on Sunday, which meant the bars had to stop serving it at midnight Saturday. The group only had an hour and a half to drink, but Nicky promised there was a stash at ‘the house’.
‘But whose house is it?’ Neil asked.
‘Technically it’s mine, but I consider it ours.’ Nicky waved to include the entire group in that. ‘I left Germany so I could be Aaron and Andrew’s guardian, did you know? It was me or my super religious parents, and I figured I had a better chance of surviving Andrew. I bought that house so we’d have a place to stay. Dad cosigned it, but Erik helped fund it. I use my monthly stipend to make payments on the mortgage.’
‘If you have a house, why did you stay with Abby this summer?’
‘Because Andrew didn’t feel like driving Kevin back and forth to the upstate for practice every day,’ Nicky said.
He pulled up to the curb outside Eden’s Twilight long enough to collect a VIP parking pass. The others went inside while he went down the street to the garage. It was easier to get a table tonight thanks to the shortened hours, but the club was still more crowded than Neil was comfortable with. Andrew left Aaron and Kevin to guard their seats and brought Neil with him to get their drinks. Roland the bartender was on duty again. Judging by the look on his face, he remembered Neil and couldn’t believe he’d returned.
‘He said no,’ Andrew said. ‘Keep them clean.’
Neil was half-sure this was just a show, but Roland passed him an empty cup and a sealed can of soda. Neil checked the glass for residue as soon as Roland went to mix the others’ drinks.
‘Paranoid,’ Andrew said.
‘If you’re such a control freak you shouldn’t be drinking either.’
‘I know what my limits are,’ Andrew said. ‘I’m not going to test them.’
‘And dust?’
‘Too much crazy in this system for dust to make a difference, I guess. We got into dust for Aaron’s sake. He needed something safe to get on when he was coming off everything his mother gave him.’
Andrew gestured between their faces. ‘Do you remember this game? We’re doing the honesty thing again, at least until I grow bored of it. In a moment you’re going to be perfectly honest with me and tell me what I have to do to keep you here.’
‘Here’s some honesty,’ Neil said. ‘I don’t like you, and I don’t trust you.’
‘It’s mutual,’ Andrew said. ‘That doesn’t change anything.’
‘Nicky says you’re only keeping me here because of Kevin,’ Neil said. ‘What happens if Kevin gets bored of me?’
‘Keep his interest,’ Andrew said, and it wasn’t really a suggestion.
Neil gazed at him in silence, wondering how stupid and desperate he must be to put his trust in someone like Andrew. ‘Can you protect me from my past?’
‘Your father’s boss,’ Andrew guessed.
The truth burned Neil’s tongue, sharp and sour like fresh blood. He swallowed it and said, ‘Yes. Word got around that the Moriyamas didn’t trust his people anymore, and his business never really recovered. He’s been after me ever since. He was arrested on some small charges a while back but he won’t be in jail forever. You said the Moriyamas can’t touch me this year because of Kevin, but he won’t stop. If he finds me, he’ll kill me.’
‘What a mess.’ Andrew sounded unsympathetic. ‘Easy enough to take care of, though.’
A group of people shouldered their way up to the bar counter at Neil’s back, pushing him into Andrew. Andrew didn’t budge beneath his weight. He was something solid to lean against, something violent and fierce and unmoving. Neil couldn’t remember what it felt like to have someone hold him up. It was terrifying and liberating all at once. His life was out of his control now; he was giving it to Andrew and hoping Andrew would keep it safe.
Roland returned with a tray of drinks. Andrew took it and motioned for Neil to go ahead of him and lifted the tray over his head. He’d just finished unloading drinks onto their tabletop when Nicky showed up.
Neil thought he’d seen them drink fast last time. It had nothing on tonight when they were racing the clock to midnight. He nursed his soda and watched them get trashed. They broke out the dust earlier this time, and Aaron and Nicky vanished to the dance floor shortly afterwards. Andrew collected empty cups and took the tray back to the bar.
It was the first time Neil and Kevin had been alone since the broadcast. Despite everything that happened that day, they had nothing to say to each other. They stared in opposite directions and sat in awkward silence the entire half-hour Andrew was gone. Neil was starting to think Andrew had gotten lost on his way back from the bar when Andrew finally returned with a load of drinks. He almost said something about it, but let it go in favor of watching them drink.
Last call for drinks went up at ten ’til midnight. Aaron and Nicky came back for a final round. Kevin had to climb up Andrew’s side to get to his feet after downing thirteen drinks in an hour and a half. Neil thought it a miracle he stayed standing. Andrew helped Kevin out, so Neil kept Nicky from wheeling off the sidewalk into the road. Neil offered to drive, but Andrew ignored him and got into the driver’s seat.
Neil didn’t remember leaving the club last time, so he paid attention to the drive this time. The house was seven minutes away, off the interstate a short ways and in a small neighborhood. Andrew was pulling into the driveway when Aaron’s phone rang. Aaron fumbled through his pockets looking for it, but it took him four rings to find it. He flipped it open, stared blearily at the screen, and made a face.
‘Coach,’ he said, and answered. ‘Do you know what time it is? What? Wait, what? You’re lying. I don’t believe you!’
Aaron jerked the phone away from his ear and shoved it at Andrew. Andrew took time to light a cigarette before taking it. He cradled the phone between his ear and shoulder as he put his pack of cigarettes away.
‘What do you want?’ he asked, and listened as Wymack explained all over again. ‘Overdosed like how?’
‘Again?’ Nicky said incredulously. ‘That stupid bastard.’
‘Never again,’ Andrew said over his shoulder. ‘He’s dead.’
There was a second of absolute silence before Nicky moved. He grabbed Andrew’s shoulder and gave him a violent shake. ‘No. What?’
Andrew shrugged him off and spoke into the phone. ‘No, not a good idea. I’ll call you when we’re back in town.’
Nicky slumped forward in his chair and groaned low in his throat. ‘Shit, shit. No way.’
‘Who overdosed?’ Neil asked.
‘Seth.’ Andrew hung up and tapped the phone against his thigh. ‘Someone found him face-down in the bathroom at Bacchus where he drowned in his own puke. It’s exactly how I warned him he was going to clock out, not that he ever listened to me.’
Neil was hearing things. ‘Seth overdosed?’
‘Keep up with the conversation,’ Andrew said.
‘I thought he was on something, but I never saw him using,’ Neil said.
‘He cleared most of it out of his system years ago,’ Andrew said. ‘Only thing he’s on these days is antidepressants. Curious.’
‘I might be sick,’ Nicky said miserably.
Neil looked at him, surprised by how hard Nicky and Aaron were taking it. He wondered if he was supposed to feel something besides shock, but a mental check came back clean. He’d grown up around death. It was nothing to him now but ice in his system and a reminder to keep moving. Seth should have been an exception, since Neil had been living with him for months, but Neil had never liked him.
‘Are we going back?’ Neil asked.
‘When they’re all drunk and cracker high and I’m off my meds? I’ll be back in jail before you can say ‘threat to society’. We’ll wait until morning.’
Andrew got out of the car, but no one else moved.
‘What about the line-up?’ Kevin asked.
Nicky winced. ‘Kevin, the man is dead. Like, permanently.’
‘It’s not a major loss,’ Kevin said.
Nicky got out of the car and paced the driveway with his hands linked behind his neck. Neil looked from Aaron to Kevin, and then slid out Nicky’s open door. Andrew was fiddling with his key chain on the front porch when Neil caught up with him. Andrew finished whatever he was doing, transferred the key chain to one hand, and pointed his cigarette at Neil’s face.
‘That’s interesting,’ he said. ‘That apathy doesn’t bode well for your sanity.’
‘I don’t understand suicide,’ Neil said. ‘Staying alive has always been so important I can’t imagine actively trying to die.’
‘He wasn’t,’ Andrew said, like Neil was being stupid. He unlocked the door but didn’t bother with the lights when he went in. Neil followed him into the dark hallway and left the door open behind him for the others. ‘He wanted a way out for a little while, a few hours where he didn’t have to think or feel. Problem was he picked an out that’s easy to die on. That’s his fault.’
‘Is that why you drink?’ Neil asked. ‘You don’t want to feel?’
Andrew turned to face him. Neil wasn’t expecting it and almost ran into him. Andrew dug his fingertip into the hollow of Neil’s throat in warning. This close Neil could smell the alcohol and cigarettes on him. It made him think of his mother burning to ashes on the beach. He reached out without thinking and took Andrew’s cigarette away. For some reason Andrew let him keep it.
‘I don’t feel for anyone or anything,’ Andrew said. ‘Don’t forget that.’
‘So Kevin’s just a hobby for you?’
‘Seth didn’t kill himself. He couldn’t have.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Seth only takes his pills when he and Allison are on the outs,’ Andrew said. ‘When they’re together she’s enough to hold him up. She went with him tonight, so she would have made sure he left his pills at home. She knows he likes chasing them with drinks.’
Neil remembered watching her dig through Seth’s pockets. ‘She checked him. I saw her.’
‘So did I,’ Andrew said.
‘If he didn’t have his pills on him, how did he overdose?’
‘Not by choice,’ Andrew said. ‘My theory says Riko won this round.’
Neil stared at him. ‘You don’t really think Riko did this.’
‘I think the timing’s too convenient for it to be an accident,’ Andrew said. ‘Riko broke Kevin’s hand for being better. He crossed districts because Kevin picked up a racquet and got back on the court. What do you think he’s willing to do to you for calling him useless on national TV?
‘You said our greatest strength is in our small size. How strong do you feel now that you’ve been bumped to our starting line? You think you and Kevin are ready to carry us to championships?’
‘And you called me paranoid,’ Neil said quietly.
‘They were supposed to stay on campus tonight,’ Andrew said. ‘Renee stopped by after you left and asked how soon we could expect Riko to respond. Kevin said we would hear back tonight. Pity you didn’t see the busybodies panic when they realized you weren’t at the dorm anymore. I told them you’d be back at nine, so they built their plans around you.’
Neil remembered how relieved Matt looked to see him in the hallway. More than that, he remembered Nicky’s incredulity that Allison and Seth were leaving. Nicky rarely paid attention to the two and he shouldn’t have cared that they were socializing. He reacted because they were deviating from the plan.
‘I don’t believe you,’ Neil said.
‘I can’t prove it, but I know I’m right.’
‘If you are, then what?’ Neil asked. ‘I’m willing to gamble with my life. I won’t gamble with theirs. They don’t deserve that.’
‘You don’t have to,’ Andrew said. ‘I do, and I say the odds are good. The Foxes are famous for having terrible seasons, but even bad luck only goes so far. One death is a believable tragedy. Two brings us below the bare minimum number of requisite players to compete. Coach Moriyama wants Kevin and Riko to face-off on court, so Riko can’t risk disqualifying us.’
Neil said nothing. Andrew hooked his fingers in the collar of Neil’s shirt and tugged just enough for Neil to feel it. ‘I know what I’m doing. I knew what I was agreeing to when I took Kevin’s side. I knew what it could cost us and how far I’d have to go. Understand? You aren’t going anywhere. You’re staying here.’
Andrew didn’t let go until Neil nodded, and then he reached for Neil’s hand. He took his cigarette back, put it between his lips, and pressed a warm key into Neil’s empty palm. Neil lifted his hand to look at it. The hardware logo engraved in it meant it was a copy. To what, Neil didn’t know, but it only took him a moment to figure it out. Andrew used this key to unlock the front door and then took it off the ring on the porch. Now he was giving it to Neil.
‘Get some sleep,’ Andrew said. ‘We’re going home tomorrow. We’ll figure this out then.’
Andrew went around Neil to the front door. He had no sympathy or comfort for his family as they grieved Seth’s unexpected death, but he would keep watch on them from the doorway until they were okay again. It was harder than it should have been for Neil to look away from him, but he finally set off down the hall. He passed the den, then backtracked and curled up in one of the recliners.
Despite Andrew’s promises and confidence, chances were good Neil was going to leave Palmetto State in a casket before spring. Neil thought he would be okay with it. He would spend his last few months as Neil Josten, starting striker for the Palmetto State Foxes. He’d be Kevin’s protégé, a teenager with a bright future, and his death would be a tragedy. It sounded a lot better than dying scared and alone halfway around the world.
Neil looked down at the key in his hand. ‘Home,’ he whispered, needing to hear it aloud. It was a foreign concept to him, an impossible dream. It was frightening and wonderful all at once, and it set his heart racing so fast he thought it’d drum out of his chest. ‘Welcome home, Neil.’ This series will continue in THE RAVEN KING
