the hospital, only a few minutes behind Luca.
But once I arrived, I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to be there for him more than anything, but he was so very mad at me. I wasn’t happy with him either, but I could forgive him because I knew he was hurting.
I texted Luca to let him know I had arrived then took a seat in the lobby and waited.
And waited.
At some point, I must have nodded off because something woke me up. A touch, or maybe a presence. It didn’t matter. When I opened my eyes, Luca was standing in front of me.
His scruff was thicker. His eyes were hollow and bloodshot. His clothes and hair were disheveled, which was so incredibly unlike him. He looked beautiful, though. Sad, but a sight for sore eyes, as he always was.
“Clara?” I croaked.
He nodded. “She has a concussion and fractured collarbone. She’s asleep and hasn’t met her daughter yet.”
I swallowed back my tears and focused on my relief. “And the baby?”
“In the NICU, but she looks good.” He cupped his nape. “You should go.”
I climbed to my feet, wishing he’d open his arms so I could walk into them. “I want to be here. If you guys need anything, I—”
“No, Saoirse. I’m not going to allow my family to get used to you being around when we both know it’s temporary.”
It hurt. The hard look in his eyes. The distance he forced between us. We weren’t temporary, even if he believed that right now. The way I loved him wasn’t going away. We owed each other a conversation, more than one, but it wasn’t going to happen now. Not when emotions were high and defenses were even higher.
“But I would like to help if I can. I can stay down here and be on call if a need arises. I won’t get in the way.”
“You’re not getting it.” Luca’s jaw flexed and rippled before he spat out five words that vaporized every ounce of my hope we could find a way through this, striking me to my core. “I don’t want you here.”
My heart lodged in my throat, so big, I couldn’t breathe more than a wisp of air. My mouth attempted to form a brave smile, but it probably looked insane. Luca wasn’t focused on me. His eyes were distant. Like I wasn’t there anymore.
He didn’t want me. Not here or anywhere.
“Okay,” I rasped. “I’ll go. Tell Clara congratulations for me when she wakes up.”
I hesitated for a beat, giving us both a chance to change our minds. Luca remained impassive and far, far away, and I couldn’t stay for another second.
I left without another word, charging through the lobby and out the front doors. I wasn’t looking where I was going and ran straight into someone heading inside. They caught me by the biceps, steadying me.
“Saoirse?”
I focused on the man in front of me. “Elliot. I’m—”
“You’re crying.”
“Am I?” I touched my cheeks, shocked to find them wet. I thought I’d been holding back my tears.
“Is Clara…?”
“Oh.” My eyes rounded. “No, Clara is okay. That’s not—she’s okay, and I’m just leaving. It’s good you’re here for Luca. He needs a friend.”
Elliot hadn’t let go of me. “Why the hell are you leaving him? What he needs is his wife.”
I shook my head, letting my eyes fall to the floor. “He doesn’t want me here.”
His fingers tightened around my arms before letting go and giving them a gentle rub. When he spoke, though, he was all business. “Okay. I’ll check on Luca. Do you need me to arrange a ride home for you?”
“No. I’m fine. I drove myself.”
He peered at me with a pinched expression. “Are you sure that’s safe? You’re upset.”
I drew in a deep breath. I knew Elliot Levy well enough to know he wouldn’t let me leave his sight if he believed I was a danger to myself or others. His mother had died in a car accident, so he didn’t take driving recklessly lightly.
“I’m good, Elliot. I just need to get home.”
It took a few more minutes to convince him, but he finally let me go. I drove carefully, probably more than I would have if I hadn’t had Elliot’s disapproving glare on my mind. I didn’t want to hear his shit if I crashed my car, so I made sure I didn’t out of spite.
Even heartbroken, I couldn’t let Elliot Levy get the best of me.
Hours later, I still didn’t know what to do. Luca hadn’t come back, and the walls of our home were closing in. Being squeezed like this, I couldn’t sleep or think. I wanted him to come home so we could talk, but I dreaded it at the same time. He’d told me in no uncertain terms he didn’t want me around.
It was his way or nothing.
There was no one for me to talk to about this with. Any other situation, I would have been drinking wine with Elise, singing Dolly Parton songs until my voice gave out, and letting her mop my tears. But I couldn’t do that. If I did, I’d have to admit to our lie.
I needed space to arrange my thoughts and decide how to go on from here. I couldn’t be here when Luca came home.
Not now.
Not when I didn’t know what to say to him or what happened next.
So, I packed a bag and wrote him a note. Then I gave Clementine some snuggles and arranged for our doorman to check on her until Luca returned.
As much as I wanted to hop on a plane and move somewhere on the other side of the globe, I couldn’t do that. I had responsibilities here now, so I wasn’t leaving forever.
Just for now.
