Selene
“And this is your first pregnancy?” The doctor questioned, making my heart race right as he took my pulse.
“Yes,” I lie, earning a raised brow from the man.
“And your previous doctor diagnosed you with HG?” He presses.
“Yes, I was recently hospitalized for dehydration, but I’ve been able to put on some weight with the help of medication.” I explain.
“That’s good.” He encourages. “Do you have any questions before we begin the exam?”
Glaring at Blaise over his shoulder, I state, “Not for you.”
The physician looks back and forth between us, a questioning look on his face. Blaise smiles up at me, “Yes?”
“If you’re going to do thing, I want proof that Bastien is alright.”
“My beauty, this is going to happen whether you want it to or not.” Blaise announces, standing up. “But if you continue to be a good girl, I will give you the proof you desire.”
Slumping back in my seat, I grumble a thank you and watch as he exits the room, seeming to have the sense to give us some privacy. After the door closes behind him, the doctor studies me for a long moment, looking from my shining eyes to the wide cuffs on my arms.
“There’s some gowns behind that curtain.” He says, pointing to the curtain. “Why don’t you get changed while I prepare the machine.”
Doing as he instructs, I go behind the flimsy curtain and strip off my clothes, feeling the stress of the occasion wind my muscles into knots. I’ve never been so anxious for a sonogram in my life. Every time I have one, I always feel a tremendous sense of helplessness as I wait for them to find a heartbeat, always paranoid it won’t sound even in the late stages when I felt my baby moving.
However this is a thousand times worse. Bastien and I agreed not to find out the baby’s sex and let it be a surprise when it arrived, but I’m about to find out anyway. I”m both praying it’s another girl so that I’ll have another four and a half months to plan my escape, and feeling that if I’m going to lose my child either way, it might be less painful to do so now.
I feel like crying as the doctor helps me back up onto the exam table and begins poking and prodding me, asking all the deeply personal questions he avoided when Blaise was in the room with us. It’s interesting to see the way he handles the situation. He doesn’t embody the warm empathy of Dr Lee, nor the false kindness of Frederic or callousness of the doctor I saw in between. This man seems diligent, capable, but nervous and on edge – determined not to get attached.
Suddenly I realize he’s as frightened of Blaise as I am. It’s not in anything he says – just something about his bearing and manner. He doesn’t ask about the baby’s father, or press when I tell him obvious lies. We both know Blaise is waiting just outside, listening to our every word.
I wonder if it’s too crazy to try and signal the doctor for help somehow. As he covers my lower half with a blanket and lifts my gown for the sonogram, I glance around for a pen and paper – anything to try and communicate a silent message.
It’s tempting to try. On one hand I don’t have anything to lose, and on the other Blaise only promised to let me see Bastien if I behaved. Still, can he really be trusted? Luna asks. There’s no guarantee he’ll be good for his word anyway.
Maybe not. I agree, but fear is a powerful motivator, it could just as easily prompt him to turn me in rather than helping me.
The doctor squirts a dollop of cold, clear gel onto my tummy, and then applies the wand, probing around my baby bump as the steady whoosh whoosh of the machine fills the air. I feel the same panic I always do as I wait for the heartbeat, holding my breath until a small thump comes through the speakers. It happens just when I’m starting to truly believe I might not hear one after all, and then I think I’m hallucinating – because instead of the slow, steady thump, thump, thump I expect, I hear an off rhythm thump thump, thump thump, thump thump. It’s almost as if…
There are two. Luna whispers.
Looking to the doctor, I ask, “Is that?”
“Twins.” He nods, offering me a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.
“But I’ve already had a sonogram, and there was only one baby.” I tell him.
“Well there are definitely two.” The physician replies, showing me the distinct images on the screen. “It’s rare, but it does sometimes happen that multiples are missed on an early sonogram.” He continues moving the wand around, pausing it to take photos of the babies in different positions. “This does explain why you’ve been so sick though.”
“But surely, if I was underweight for one…” I think aloud, not bothering to wonder why I’m worrying about their health when they’re already on death row before they’ve even been born.
“Yes.” He agrees, “it’s a problem. We’re going to have to get you on a nutrition regimen immediately.”
“What…” I trail off, too afraid to ask, “What are they?”
“A boy,” He says first, making me feel as if the room is spinning, “and a girl.”
Twins. I reflect somewhat manically, trying to wrap my head around the idea and failing. A boy and a girl. I was going to have a son. Bastien would have an heir.
And Blaise will kill him before you even get to hold him. Luna reminds me.
Maybe I could ask him to keep it. I have to carry him to term anyway for his sister. If I’m still here in four months and he actually… I can’t think the words any more than I could say them. I might not be able to save her Maybe Blaise would let me –
You know exactly what Blaise would say to that. Luna interrupts, adopting a deep tone. ‘and let the son of Bastien Durand and a Volana grow up to challenge me? Your brat will probably be even stronger than his father – never.’
This is worse than I ever dreamed. Now I’m going to lose two babies at once – unless I find a way to escape. This should have been a happy occasion, if a little daunting – okay, really daunting. Instead it’s a tragedy. My heart doesn’t know what to do with itself. The optimist in me feels joy to learn I might be welcoming two miracles, the pessimist insists I can’t let myself get my hopes up because the pain I was already going to be suffering at Blaise’s hands in a few months just doubled. The mother in me wants to weep either way..
I’m both wishing I could tell Bastien the news, and so thankful I can’t. There’s no need for both our hearts to be broken. Tears well in my eyes and before I know it I’m sobbing. The doctor looks at me with pity, patting my back. “There there now, I know it’s all a bit overwhelming.” To my surprise he leans close to my ear and whispers, “I can get you two weeks of bedrest for this, no more. Just until you put on some weight.”
I can only cry and nod, then listen as the doctor goes outside to relay the news to Blaise. A little while later, once I’ve changed back into the ridiculous dress he picked out for me and dried my eyes, he enters the room beaming. “Now, now, my beauty.” He croons, “there’s no need for tears. You’re having a girl, and this just goes to prove how fertile you are.”
“And my son?” I ask weakly. I know he’ll refuse me, but I have to try, I have to do everything in my power to protect my child – no matter how hopeless.
“Ah, yes.” Blaise frowns, rubbing his jaw thoughtfully“well I asked if he could abort just the boy fetus but he said no.” When he sees my horrified expression he insists, “I’d hoped to spare you the pain of losing two children, not to mention the nutrients it will divert from the girl.”
He’s clearly more bothered by the idea that his precious sacrifice might be smaller or less powerful because it’s competing for resources. Already the boy baby is larger than the girl and in his mind I’m sure he imagines the fetuses fighting it out in my belly. “What a shame.” I hiss, unable to pretend in this moment.
“The true shame is that I won’t be able to have you until you’re off of bedrest.” He laments, sounding annoyed.
“And Bastien?” I press, “you promised me proof of life.”
Blaise offers me a lethal grin. “All in good time, my pet.”
