Selene
The dreams haven’t stopped. It seems every time I close my eyes, some new memory or imagined depiction of the past resurfaces to haunt me. Most of the time they’re pleasant: the early months of my first marriage to Bastien, milestones in Lila’s young life, even a few more events from my childhood.
Of course they aren’t all good. I’ve relived my mother’s death in this uncomfortable hospital bed, as well as Garrick’s abuse and Gabriel’s murder… and then there are the dreams about Bastien. Not sweet reminiscings of our recent reunion or sex fueled fantasies, but nightmares: horrible visions of all that might befall him on his journey, and imaginings of horrors already suffered.
Just now I was wrenched from sleep by the bloody scenes of his attempted assassination, which my tormented brain created in the middle of an otherwise peaceful rest. I sit up in bed gasping for air, looking around in fear and confusion as if I might still be in that forest surrounded by violence and death.
My heart monitor is beeping wildly, and the next thing I know, Dr Kane is striding into the room with a worried frown. “What’s going on little mama?” He asks, studying my pale face and then the machines, “Are you going to be sick?”
As soon as he says it, I realize I am. Nodding frantically, I reach for the trash bin next to my bed, and he promptly helps me, pushing the plastic lined container into my hand. Retching while the physician holds back my hair and murmurs words of comfort, tears spring to my eyes. Sliding out from between my tightly clenched lashes and rolling down my cheeks, I have no way of stopping the salty cascade. My hands are occupied trying to ensure the meager contents of my stomach make it into the trash receptacle and not my bed or the floor. Thus, when the sickness finally passes, there is no hiding my distress from the doctor.
“Poor darling.” He murmurs sympathetically, producing a box of tissues. “You must be feeling awful.”
Nodding pitifully, I dab at my tears, “I’m sorry, I hope you aren’t here so late because of me.”
We’d discovered just how disruptful my illness had been to my rest the night Lila stayed with me, which unfortunately did not go very well. After being woken three times by my retching and becoming increasingly upset seeing me in such a state, I had to call Drake to come get her. The attentive doctor had been very concerned and forbidden further sleepovers, but he also began staying later and later at work to keep an eye on me.
“You’ve got the future of the pack in there.” He says, nodding towards my belly. “It would be a dereliction of duty for me to leave you unattended.”
Guilt brings my tears raging back, and a rush of emotion so powerful I can’t even attempt to without it has me throwing my head back and sobbing. “I’m sorry!” When Thomas’s eyes widen in alarm and he reaches toward me in concern, I raise my palm, “No, I’m s-sorry, I’m f-fine.” I hiccup, sounding completely unconvincing. “It’s just m-m-mood sw-swings.”
The doctor cuts his gaze to me, “It’s also stress, Selene.” He diagnoses sternly, “you weren’t this bad off with Lila. I’m very worried that you’re still losing weight, even being admitted here and on all our drugs. You shouldn’t be this sick…”
He trails off, looking like he wants to say more.
“What?” I prompt, “what is it?”
“And,” He sighs, “you shouldn’t be without your mate. The Alpha should be here.” It’s not the first time he’s expressed this, in fact he’s repeated it at least three times a day since I arrived. “It’s unacceptable that he isn’t.”
My jaw tightens, “With all due respect, Dr Kane,” I begin in a hard voice, surprising the man with whom I’m usually much more informal. “You don’t know what is going on in our lives, and as we’ve discussed, I was under plenty of stress during my first pregnancy. More stress than being without my mate for a few days could even compare to!”
Part of me actually believes this. After all, Bastien was rejecting me, Gabriel was murdered, Odette was practially suicidal, the pack was falling to pieces, Arabella was trying to murder me and then I was trying to figure out how to be independent and a mother at the same time. Still, I know the weight of our current predicament is weighing on me more. I didn’t have my wolf before, and Bastien hadn’t marked me yet. I was basically a shell of a woman, unable to truly process anything that was happening or feel the depth of emotion I do now. And now I have a pup who’s life is in danger, I have a bonded mate who’s out there risking his life to protect us from one homicidal tyrant while another spies and plots stealing me from Bastien while simultaneously trying to kill him. Everything feels so much more intense now: my love, fear and pain.
“Selene.” Dr Kane purses his lips. “Let me tell you what I do know. Your blood pressure is elevated, you’re five pounds lighter than you were at this stage with Lila despite starting out at a higher weight, you’re anemic and calcium deficient, dangerously dehydrated and you’re sleeping round the clock. I don’t need to know what’s going on to read the signals your body is sending. Whether you agree or not, your body is showing much greater physical signs of stress than it was in your first pregnancy.”
Sulkily peeking up at him from beneath my lashes, I say, “That doesn’t mean it’s Bastien’s fault.”
“Perhaps not, but it does mean he should be here.” Dr. Kane counters, digging in his heels, “I assume by now he knows that you’re here?”
“No.” I reply, my heart rate increasing on the machine, drawing both of our attention and sending a flush over my cheeks. “When I said he was out of reach, I wasn’t speaking temporarily.”
Thomas shakes his head. “There must be some way you can get word to him.”
“There isn’t.” I insist, a bit defiantly. “Believe me if there was, it would already be done.”
The doctor sits on the edge of my bed, and rests his hand atop mine. “I don’t mean to pry, Selene.” He says, in the tone of someone who is absolutely about to pry. “But under the circumstances I need to know your situation to best care for you. Has something happened between you and the Alpha? Are you certain… well, is there a chance he won’t be returning?”
His words pierce my heart like a knife. “There’s always a chance some misfortune could befall him before he returns.” I grind out, “but believe me, if he has any say in the matter whatsoever, he will return. Nothing has happened between us that might change that.”
“So you’re still together?” Dr. Kane presses, “He still considers you his mate?”
“Of course.” I snarl.
“I’m sorry.” He apologizes, raising his hands in defense, “I had to ask.”
Suddenly I’m more inclined to agree with Bastien about finding a new doctor. Even though I spent most of our relationship believing Bastien didn’t care about me, hearing someone else suggest it now that I know the truth – now that our mating bond has let me feel the enormity of his love in no uncertain terms – makes me furious. “No you didn’t.” I inform him coolly. “Bastien loves me.”
“Then why isn’t he here?” Thomas inquires, clearly losing his own temper. “Why hasn’t he given you a way to reach him? Why is he neglecting you?”
For the first time, it occurs to me that my doctor’s feelings about me might not be entirely professional. He’s indignance on my behalf doesn’t sound completely innocent… it almost sounds, well… jealous. As if he would never dream of treating me this way if I was his.
“Dr. Kane.” I state evenly, trying to find the right words, “I promise you, he isn’t neglecting me. He’s gone at the moment because it’s what’s best for me. We both want him home, but he isn’t because he’s putting my wellbeing above all else.”
Worry wrinkles his brow. “I don’t understand.”
“I’m afraid I can’t say any more.” I admit, “just know that he is coming back, and he would never do anything that would risk preventing him from returning home to his family and the pack.”
“As long as you’re sure.” He murmurs, making his exit.
The hair on the back of my neck stands on end as he strides away, and I slip out of bed. My feet pad silently across the floor, ensconced in bulky hospital socks with rubber soles. I pause just inside the doorway when I hear Thomas’s voice speaking to a nurse on the other side, “well?”
“He’s got the poor thing completely brainwashed.” He reports, “she actually believes he’s faithful to her.”
“Someone has to tell her the truth.” The nurse replies.
“They can try, I doubt she’s open to hearing it now.” He audibly exhales, “in time perhaps, after she figures out he isn’t coming home.”
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