Selene’s pov
“What?” I ask, unable to conjure any other words.
“I’ve been away too long,” Bastien sighs, “And so have you.” He adds pointedly.
Suddenly I realize he must have dropped everything to come here. He has so many responsibilities in Elysium, I don’t know how he managed it. Who’s been running the pack while he’s been busy chasing me around Asphodel? The council?
Next I wonder how none of this occurred to me before. We can hardly be together while living in separate cities. In Bastien’s mind, I probably agreed to come back to Elysium the moment I let him claim me. The last card in my hand had been needing to keep Lila near her father, and that excuse went out the window when I told him the truth about the DNA test.
“Bastien, I have a life here.” I reply hesitantly.
“You had a life there too.” Bastien reminds me, brushing a few strands of hair out of my eyes.
“No.” I correct him. “I had you and nothing else. Here I have a business, friends, a purpose beyond standing beside you and looking pretty.”
“That’s not what I want for you, Selene. You can have all those things in Elysium. You could have had those things before if…” He trails off, uncertain why I hadn’t shown an interest in opening a cafe or having a life of my own when we were married. Puzzled and clearly concerned he asks, “Did you think I wouldn’t let you?”
“No.” I exhale heavily, “It wasn’t anything you did, well, not in the way you mean.” I amend, reaching up to stroke my mate’s clenched jaw. “You have to understand. When you first rescued me I was completely helpless. I did need you to do everything for me, and you were so willing to take on that role that you never pushed me to step out of my comfort zone or do anything for myself. At the time I thought it was because you didn’t think I was capable of standing on my own two feet.“ I share, reaching into my memories.
“If I coddled you, it’s because I love you.” Bastien informs me, looking perturbed. “I didn’t push you because taking care of you was never a burden to me, I wanted to do everything for you. I never wanted you to have to struggle again.”
“I know that now.” I assure him gently, “but I never learned how to fend for myself. I never got far enough out into the world to find myself, to figure out who I was and what I wanted out of life.”
“It had only been three years,” Bastien argues protectively, “You made incredible progress in that time, considering where you started. Goddess, Selene, you were trapped in a basement through your entire adolescence.” He reminds me – as if I could forget. “You had to learn everything from scratch, all while trying to figure out how to be a wife and an Alpha’s mate.”
“And I did it in a bubble.” I proclaim firmly, “When I came here I didn’t have a choice. Drake helped me get the apartment and provided for me financially, but I had to figure out how to survive on my own. I had to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.”
“So do those things in Elysium.” Bastien beseeches, “It won’t be like before.”
“Bastien, you said it yourself, being an Alpha’s mate is a lot more than just being a wife.” I’m trying to choose my words carefully, but I’m not sure how successful my efforts are. My mate is looking grumpier by the minute. “It’s a full time job with a lot of responsibilities, if I go back I won’t have a choice anymore.”
Dragging one large hand through his hair, Bastien huffs in frustration. “What did you think was going to happen when I claimed you Selene? That you and Lila would stay here when I went back home?” He eyes my flat tummy. “For Goddess’s sake, you’re probably breeding already.”
“Excuse me?” I squeak, not sure I heard him correctly.
Bastien rolls his eyes. “You’re in heat, Selene.”
The man seems determined to tell me things I already know this evening. “So?” I exclaim, throwing my hands up.
My mate appears to be praying for patience, bringing his palms together and speaking very deliberately, “You’re the most fertile you’ll ever be, and we’ve had unprotected sex a dozen times since it began.”
I blindly reach behind me, seeking the edge of the island to brace myself. Suddenly my knees feel like jelly. How could I have failed to connect those dots? Without contraception heat cycles almost always result in babies – it’s kind of the entire point.
Blood is rushing in my ears, blocking out all other sounds with a loud whirring. I’ve never considered having another pup. I wouldn’t have ever wanted one with anyone but Bastien and I never thought I’d see him again.
I try to picture what it would be like to go through a pregnancy now, how different it might be from the first time with Bastien by my side. I try to imagine having another pup, a sibling for Lila, maybe a little boy – a miniature Bastien.
Luna is swooning at the thought, and I have to admit I am too. Now that I know it’s possible, I desperately want to have another child with Bastien, but I’m not sure I’m ready to do it right this minute. We still have a lot to figure out. Lila and I are still in danger – what if I have another girl, another Volana in need of protection?
There’s something else, a niggling thought in the back of my mind. Bastien knew. He knew he might get me pregnant again. He seems to expect it, treating it like it’s a foregone conclusion. What’s more, we always used protection in the first year of our marriage, when having a baby would have been more traumatic for me than joyful.
Narrowing my eyes at my mate, I push away from the counter, stalking towards him. “Were you planning this?” I hiss, “Have you been trying to get me pregnant? Did you see I had a child with Drake and need to plant one of your own to spite him and lock me down?”
Bastien rubs the back of his neck, looking decidedly guilty. “The thought did occur to me,” He admits, “But in my defense, I thought you understood the situation.”
“You are unbelievable.” I declare hotly, “I know you didn’t believe I would thoughtlessly jump into such a big commitment when things were so uncertain between us – when we live in different cities! When my first pup is already endangered because of the blood I passed down to her!”
Bastien reaches for me and I try to back out of his reach, but he’s too fast. Before I know it the full length of my body is pressed against his, and his silver eyes are glaring down at me. “It’s instinct, Selene.” He states sternly, “It’s my instinct to breed my mate, to mark what’s mine and wipe away any remnants left behind by other wolves.” Goddess help me, but his words are starting to excite me again. “I assumed your instincts were driving you to do the same.”
Were they? I think. Was I subconsciously trying to seal our bond with another baby? Is all this lust really driven by that base instinct to continue my line?
Of course it is. Luna tells me, I want another pup, I want to raise them with our mate.
I’m rarely angry with my wolf, but I am now. She might have known what was happening, but I didn’t. I never even considered another child, I was too overwhelmed just coping with Bastien’s reappearance in my life.
“Well they weren’t!” Pushing against Bastien’s chest and not moving an inch, I continue, “I’m terrified every single day about Lila and this bounty! I was already carrying her when I found out about it in Elysium. I would never intentionally try to breed with that kind of threat hanging over my head!”
“All the more reason for you to come home.” Bastien asserts, entirely unyielding. “You belong in Elysium. You and Lila belong with me.” His massive hands squeeze my hips, “and if you are carrying another pup, they’ll belong with me too.”
“I know that!” I burst out, finally speaking my truth. “I don’t want to be apart from you! I don’t want Lila to go another day without her father!”
“Then why are you fighting me, little wolf?” Bastien demands, emanating pure ferocity.
“Because I don’t want to go back to being that person!” My throat scratches uncomfortably, and I can already hear the tears in my voice. “I don’t want to go back to being weak and afraid and useless!”
“You were never weak.” Bastien growls, fire burning in his eyes. “You survived things no other wolf could. You managed to hold onto your heart through years of torture and abuse.” He professes, “And you were never useless. Not to me.”
“You know what I mean.” I hiccup, unable to meet his gaze. “I don’t want it to be like before. I don’t want to be bullied by jealous she-wolves and sit idly by while you govern the pack.”
Kissing my brow and gathering me to his chest, Bastien promises, “That’s not who we are anymore, baby.”
“Promise me it will be different.” I request in a small voice, “Promise me it will be better.”
“I promise.” His deep voice wraps around me like an embrace, and even though my fear urges me not to believe him – I can’t help but trust my mate.
Burying my head in his chest for one long moment to try and get hold of my tears, I make my decision.“When do we leave?”
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