Bastien‘s Pov
I only make it a few paces out of the cafe before I change my mind and turn back. All night I’ve been tip-toeing around, trying to get through this fight without upsetting Selene, but I can’t hold back any longer.
I don’t want my mate to be afraid of me. I don’t want to trigger her and send her into a PTSD episode, but I have a right to be angry. Besides, fights are upsetting. There’s no way to honestly have one if you can’t express your feelings for fear of offending someone else’s.
Selene jumps when the door slams back open, the bell hanging above it jingly wildly. I stalk back to our booth, towering over my beautiful mate with steam billowing from my ears. “How long?
“What?” Selene squeaks, eyeing me warily.
“How long before you left did you know you were pregnant?” I demand. My mate immediately drops her head, unable to meet my gaze. The moment she does I know I’m not going to like the answer to this question. “Answer me, Selene.”
“I found out the day before our anniversary.” Her eyes are turning red when she glances back up at me, “the day you told me you were rejecting me.”
I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. “You knew all that time?” I hiss, trying to process this information. In hindsight the puzzle pieces begin to click into place: her illness, her refusal to go to the hospital, the way she stopped drinking alcohol and caffeine. “Why couldn’t I smell it on you?”
If she was in her wolf form I have no doubt my mate would currently be on her back exposing her belly to me. She’s curled in on herself, invisible tail tucked between her legs. “I covered it up.” She confesses hoarsely, “the doctor gave me something to hide the scent.”
Axel is positively snarling in my chest, but I’m still struggling to wrap my head around this development, “Why?”
I scent her tears a moment before I see them. Selene steps out of the booth, looking up at me plaintively. “Everything I told you about the fire is true, but part of why Arabella tried to kill me is because she knew about the baby. When she tried to push me down the stairs at the hospital it was because she overheard the doctor and I talking. She wanted me to miscarry.”
“That’s not what I asked you.” I rumble.
“I thought you loved her! I thought you didn’t want me!” Selene cries, “And she wanted me dead, she wanted Lila dead!”
I almost snap at her again for ignoring the question, then I realize what she’s trying to do. She’s trying to explain herself before she admits the truth. “You were already planning on leaving, weren’t you?” I question her bleakly, “the fire forced you to go sooner, but you were always planning on leaving.”
Selene is practically sobbing and part of me wants to comfort her but, for the first time, my anger is more powerful than my concern. “Weren’t you?” I snarl again when she doesn’t answer.
“Yes!” Selene yelps, jumping half a foot in the air. “Yes. Drake and I had a plan but then Gabriel died and it seemed like you actually needed me for a while. But then you still wanted the rejection… I was going to go right after.”
“The rejection was for you!” I thunder, all the memories coming back to me. “You never had a choice in marrying me and you were mooning over some wolf you’d known for 15 years. I wanted you to be happy!”
“What are you talking about?” Selene hiccups.
“I heard you on the phone with your friend, talking about how upset you were that you couldn’t be with the man you’d been in love with since you were 5.” It’s been a long time since I’ve thought about that time in my life. When I thought Selene died I only wanted to remember the good parts of our marriage. I blocked out those last few months so completely I actually forgot about the phone call I overheard.
Selene is gaping at me, her tears slowing amidst her surprise. When she finally responds, it’s with such exasperation and disbelief I almost miss her words. “You idiot.”
“Excuse me?” I reply dangerously.
“I was talking about you, Bastien!” Selene practically shouts.
“What are you talking about? I interrogate. “We didn’t meet until you escaped Garrick.”
“Yes we did.” Selene corrects me, holding her head in her hands. “When I was a pup I got lost in the mountain tunnels and you found me. You rescued me and I had a horrible crush on you afterwards. I’ve loved you since I was five years old,” her eyes narrow as the irony hits her, “and when you found out you rejected me!”
I rack my memory for the event she’s talking about, diving through the annals of my life until I finally resurrect a hazy image of a pup not much older than Lila, crying in a dark cave. Horror and relief wash over me in equal measure.
“Why didn’t you ask me about what you overheard?” Selene questions me, “why didn’t you just talk to me instead of jumping to conclusions?”
“Oh, the way you talked to me when you thought I was leaving you for Arabella?” I snap. “When you thought I was having an affair, or when you found out you were carrying my baby?!”
Selene stubbornly crosses her arms over her chest, and I’m amazed at how well she’s holding herself together. Part of me is proud of my sweet mate for coping so well under stress and even wants to praise her, but I pummel that thought back – this is not the time.
“That was different.” She insists, “I was still just a kid. I was still a wreck just trying to put one foot in front of another and scared of my own shadow. You were a fully grown Alpha without a fear in the world.”
“And now?” I grouse, “Are you still just a scared little girl that had to fake a DNA test rather than confront reality?”
“I didn’t have anything to do with that DNA test!” Selene denies hotly, “I don’t know how it happened, but it wasn’t me.”
“Oh come on, Selene. Give it up!” I bark, “You’ve spent years hiding Lila from me. You’ve been hiding her from the first moment you found out she existed. Do you really expect me to believe you weren’t behind those fake results?”
“I didn’t even know about the test until the results were back!” She reminds me fiercely.
“That doesn’t change the fact that you kept up the lie.” I combat, “I might be able to understand it when I first arrived, but you learned the truth and still let me believe she was Drake’s.”
My mate wrings her hands, her stunning eyes wide and shining as she implores me to understand. “I didn’t want you to settle for me simply because I mothered your pup.” She whimpers. “I needed you to want me for me.”
“And after I claimed you?” My hand closes around her nape, needing her to look me in the eye, needing to impose my dominance on her. Some of her anxious movements cease as she submits to my hold, and continue, “We promised each other no more lies. You gave me your word and still you said nothing!”
She tried to shrink back but doesn’t get very far, looking so lost it takes all my strength to hold onto my anger, “I know.” She concedes mournfully, not offering any more excuses.
“Why?” I inquire desperately.
“I don’t know.” She laments, using her palms to try and wipe away her tears.
“Yes you do.” I press, “Why didn’t you come clean? Why did we have to wait for our pup’s life to be in danger before I found out I had a daughter?!”
“I was scared.” Selene cries pitifully.
“Of what?” I growl. “Of Me?”
“I knew how angry you’d be.” She sniffles, “I didn’t want you to hate me. I just got you back, I didn’t want to lose you again.”
Her words slap me across the face, and I stare down at her in disbelief. “Did you think I would hurt you? Or take Lila and reject you?”
Selene shrugs helplessly.
My anger spikes, even though I know it isn’t fair. “How could you think I would do something like that?” I ask in outrage. “How could you possibly think I’m capable of hating you?”
“I– It’s not… I don’t,” she stammers hopelessly, trying to duck her head and avoid my gaze. I slide my hand into her hair, tangling my fist in the loss tresses and pulling her head back.
“Have I not made it clear how I feel about you?” I snarl, “Have I not shown you how important you are to me? Have I not claimed you thoroughly enough, mate?”
Despite her sadness and fear, the words spark the familiar scent of Selene’s arousal, and her pupil’s dilate as she weathers my fury. We both know it’s just an excuse when she shakes her head in denial. “No,” she whispers, her voice music to my ears, “I guess you haven’t.”
