If the flight to America was bad, the flight back to England is nothing short of torturous. All three of us are scared and worried. Seb is massaging his temples, and Cyrus is checking his watch every minute, desperate for the journey to go quicker. Cami can sense the tension, and she screams steadily from takeoff to landing. Soon, the other passengers’ glares and comments turn into outright complaints. The cabin crew flock over to help, trying to distract her with toys and baby food, but nothing works. Eventually, Sebastian reaches into his wallet, pulls out some notes, and shoves them at the flight attendant. “Just buy everyone a drink on me,” he mutters, rubbing his eyes. “That’s the best we can do.”
After an equally terrible taxi drive, we finally make it back to our building. We don’t bother stopping at our flat first, dragging our suitcases right to Beth’s hallway. Cami calms down as soon as we reach her door, like she knows she’s finally going to see her nanny again.
Seb raps at Beth’s door, hard. We all wait anxiously. Cami squirms in my arms.
There’s no response. Seb knocks again, and again, but there’s no reply.
His face turns red. “Open the damn door, Beth,” he calls. “For God’s sake. Why are you doing this?”
“Stop yelling at her,” Cyrus mutters.
Seb ignores him, pounding on the door again. “Beth, open the door. You don’t have to talk to us. Just let us see you, for God’s sake. Cami misses you. At least let her see you, you can’t just cut her out—”
There’s a ding from behind us. We all turn to see the lift doors sliding open. Beth steps out, holding two plastic bags of shopping. Her mouth falls open when she sees us standing outside of her flat.
I’m pretty sure I look just as shocked as she does.
She looks awful. Like, I almost can’t believe that the girl in front of me is Beth. Has she just not eaten at all for a full week? Has she been deathly sick? She’s lost so much weight. Her hair is limp and tangled, and there are huge bags under her eyes. Cami gurgles in my arms, reaching out for her. Beth’s eyes flick to her, but she stays rooted to the spot.
Cyrus is the first to break the silence. “Baby, what happened? Are you okay?” He swoops in for a hug. Beth jerks away violently, flinching like he’s going to hit her. He steps back, his eyes widening.
Something’s wrong. Something’s really, really wrong. Something has happened to her. Jesus, has somebody hurt her?
She looks at the floor. “Why are you here?” She asks quietly. “You’re meant to be in New York.”
“Change of plans,” I say softly. “We were worried when you stopped answering our calls. We came back to check you were okay.”
Her face turns bright red. “Oh no,” she whispers. “I’m so sorry. I never wanted you to mess up your trip for me.”
“What did you expect?” Sebastian snaps. “For all we knew, you were dead. You think we were just going to stay out there, giving fucking PowerPoint presentations?”
She turns glassy brown eyes on him, but doesn’t say anything. Her bottom lip trembles.
I take a step forward, handing Cami off to Seb, then taking her shopping bags. “Let me take these inside for you,” I say, keeping my voice level and soothing. “You go upstairs with the others. I know Cami wants a cuddle.”
She frowns. “I can—”
I pull her keys out of her unresisting hands. “Go,” I say again. There’s no way I’m letting her lock herself back inside her flat. She might not let us in again. We have to get to the bottom of this.
She hesitates for a moment, but Cyrus puts a hand on the small of her back, steering her up the hallway, and she lets him lead her away. I watch her go, then slip her key into the lock, pushing open the door to her flat.
Her place is a tip. Her sink is full of dirty dishes, and there are unwashed clothes strewn all over the floor. Her bed is unmade and surrounded by crumpled balls of tissues. She’s either been sick or crying.
The clutter wouldn’t worry me so much if she was a messy person; but this is the girl who organised all of Cami’s clothes in rainbow order, and filled our freezer with carefully labelled pots of homemade baby food. She’d never live like this, unless she physically couldn’t bring herself to clean.
Swallowing hard, I go to set the shopping on the counter. I unpack toilet roll, painkillers, six cans of soup, and three bottles of wine. As I put the food away, I can’t help but notice how bare her fridge is. It’s practically empty, and pretty much everything left in it is expired. I carefully pick out a Chinese takeaway container that’s growing mould, tossing it into her overflowing dustbin.
When I go to the bathroom to put away the loo roll, there are damp, soap-stained towels just dumped on the floor, and her bathroom bin is overflowing with more crumpled tissues. Her whole flat smells damp and musty, like she hasn’t opened a window in days.
I don’t understand what possibly could have happened. Did someone die? Did she suddenly get depressed?
I head back to the front door with my heart in my throat. As I pass the counter, I notice her phone lying underneath a pile of junk mail. I pick it up, pressing the home button, but the screen stays black. Maybe it’s broken? If it is, I can probably fix it up. I shove it in my pocket to look at later, and leave her flat, locking the door behind me.
When I step back into my own apartment, the mood is scarily sombre. Beth is standing in the middle of the living room, hugging Cami. She looks like she’s about to burst into tears. Cami, on her part, seems thrilled. She keeps trying to snuggle up into Beth’s neck. Cyrus is leaning against the breakfast bar, dismay all over his face. Seb is pacing up and down, jaw clenched.
He turns on me as I shut the door softly behind me. “She wouldn’t talk until you got here.”
“I didn’t want to say it all twice,” Beth whispers.
I step towards her and open up my arms. Whatever she’s about to tell us, I want to hold her while she does it. I’ve been dying to touch her for days.
My heart breaks a little bit when she steps backwards, clutching Cami to her chest like a shield. “Well?” Seb barks. “He’s here now. So talk.”
She ducks her head. “What do you want to know?” she mutters.
“What’s going on with you? Why are you moving out? Or maybe you should start with why the Hell you’ve been ignoring our calls?” She doesn’t say anything, nuzzling Cami’s pigtail.
Seb huffs. “Do you have any idea how worried we were? We thought something had happened to you! You can’t just cut contact with us out of nowhere! For all we knew, you could’ve gotten sick! Or died! You could’ve been hit by a car! Someone could have broken into your shitty flat!”
“Seb,” I start, but the man shakes his head, his eyes wild.
“No, it’s not okay. You scared the shit out of us. How the Hell could you see the messages we were sending you and not want to respond? Do you really care about us that little?”
“I didn’t mean to,” she says. “I’m sorry. I lost my phone.”
I pull the mobile out of my back pocket, setting it carefully on the coffee table. “It was on your counter,” I say quietly. She stares at it, eyes shimmering. Seb’s face darkens with fury.
“On your counter,” he repeats. “Where were you looking, your fridge? Your toilet bowl? Or were you just ignoring us—”
“Shut up!” She bursts out. “Just… please. Shut up. I can’t think with you shouting at me.”
Seb goes silent. We all watch as Beth sits heavily down on the sofa, pressing a kiss to Cami’s head. “I’m sorry,” she says quietly. “I never meant to scare you guys. This is the last thing I wanted.”
I decide to start from the beginning. “Something happened,” I hedge, sitting next to her. “You sounded upset in the voice message you sent us.”
She nods, taking a deep breath. “I… I went to the doctor,” she starts.
Cyrus stiffens. “Are you okay? Are you sick?”
She shakes her head. “I’m fine. But I missed my period, and I thought—”
Seb spins to face her. “Are you pregnant?” He demands.
“No,” she snaps out. “I’m not.”
“Oh.” His shoulders relax. “What is it, then?”
She opens her mouth. Closes it again. Shakes her head. I watch in horror as tears start spilling down over her cheeks and soaking into Cami’s soft hair. Cyrus, Seb and I share a look.
“Were you pregnant?” I guess. “Did something happen? Did you lose the baby? Or did you—”
“I was never pregnant,” she half-shouts, effectively shutting me up. Cami stares up at her, wide-eyed, then starts to cry loudly. Beth’s face crumples.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbles, pulling Cami closer to her chest. More tears streak down her face. “God, I’m so sorry, please don’t cry.” She rubs her cheek against Cami’s head, pressing a kiss into her curls. “Please, please don’t cry.”
Cami just wails louder, her hands curling into tiny fists.
Beth takes a breath, staring at the baby in her lap—and then just completely breaks down.
