When we arrive at our destination, I’m blown away by the beauty of the spot Steve has chosen to bring us. The boys all seem familiar with the place so I’m guessing it has been a family hang-out for a while. The lake is stunning; blue-green water stretching as far as the eye can see, surrounded by trees and grassland. If an artist hasn’t already painted this scene, then someone really should.
It’s calm and quiet, just the sound of birds calling as we sit on our folding chairs, fishing rods in hand. Even the boys have calmed down with their bickering and seem to be enjoying the tranquility. I’m guessing that has more to do with increasing their chances of catching fish than it does to improving family relations. I get the feeling that there is a long-running competition going on for who can catch the most fish or the biggest fish. Size is always so important to guys.
And girls!
I have no idea what I’m doing, so I’m pretty certain that I’m going to catch absolutely nothing. It’s good that no one is relying on me to provide dinner.
‘You’re a natural,’ Steve tells me.
‘A natural at sitting still,’ I laugh. ‘That’s pretty much all I’m doing.’
‘Yeah, well a calm and quiet aura works wonders on fish.’
‘Jefferson must catch nothing then.’ I wait, expecting him to bite back but he doesn’t. This competitive thing must mean more to him than having the last word.
Steve leans toward me with a grin. ‘The boys take fishing very seriously,’ he says. ‘It’s the only way Amber and I get any peace.’
Amber, who is reading a book with a bright pink cover, peers over the top of it at her brood. ‘Isn’t it bliss,’ she says with a wink.
‘It’s certainly quiet,’ I say.
‘Shhhh.’ Jefferson gives me side-eye and puts his finger over his mouth. If he was closer, I’d launch him into the water. A test to see if his big, sexy body scares away the fish!
After another hour, I’m restless and antsy. Sitting in silence with people you hardly know is more challenging than I imagined. There’s no peace in feeling awkward and on the outside of a situation. This family has been spending time like this for years, and I’m just a last-minute add-on. My thoughts whir, making me uncomfortable in my own skin. Maybe some time alone will help me clear my head.
‘I think I’m going to go for a walk,’ I say, resting my rod on the floor and standing, stretching my arms to the sky to ease out my muscles.
‘I’ll come with you…’ Steve says.
‘It’s okay. I’ll go with her.’ Carson quickly stands, and his brothers twist their heads to look at him as he rests his rod and rises from his chair. With eyebrows furrowed and raised, they all seem very surprised that he’s leaving behind their usual competition.
Damn, he’s keen to spend time alone with me. So keen, he’s bumped Steve from the opportunity. ‘Okay,’ I say. ‘Do you know your way around?’
‘Like the back of my hand,’ he smiles.
‘Look after her,’ Steve says. It’s the first time he’s uttered anything protective like that, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I’m not his to protect. Not really. I’m used to being totally independent and not having anyone worry about me. It should be a good sign, I suppose, and maybe it’ll be something I get used to in time.
We head into the woods, following a path worn by the feet of previous hikers. When we’re out of earshot of the others, Carson clears his throat.
‘I needed to stretch my legs,’ he says. ‘All that sitting in the car and waiting for fish has got me restless.’
‘I know what you mean.’
It’s sweet that he feels like he needs to explain himself. Carson’s brown eyes are as soft as melted chocolate, and, as he ducks beneath a low hanging branch, I notice a scar across his knee similar to Maisie’s stepbrother Jameson’s.
‘Did you tear your ACL?’ I ask him, pointing.
He nods grimacing. ‘When I was fourteen. It was a stupid mistake, and I paid for it.’
‘But you’re still playing? You must have recovered okay.’
‘With a lot of battling. The doctors warned Mom that my leg would never be strong enough for me to do anything more strenuous than walk. It was bad for a long time, but I did whatever they told me to do, and mom researched everything that could possibly help. With a lot of physio, eating right, and a ton of supplements, it seems to be back to normal.’
‘Wow…that must have been tough for you to handle.’
‘Well, I didn’t like sitting on the sidelines while my brothers got to do the thing I love most in the world.’
‘Bros before hos but football before everything,’ I laugh softly.
Carson smiles, his eyes spilling warmth through me. There’s an ease about him which I like. It’s in the way he walks and the way he talks. He seems comfortable in his own skin in a way that I envy.
I think he must have broken his nose as well as his knee. It has a slight bump on the bridge that gives him the kind of rough edge that I like. No tattoos, unlike his brothers, but exactly the same broad shoulders and long, strong legs that make me weak.
‘Family first, though,’ he says, not realizing that the comment stabs me in the heart. I wish I could agree with him, but it’s not something I’ve experienced for myself. Family has been something I’ve looked at jealously from the outside. I don’t want to get upset in front of him, but I know I will if we continue down this line of conversation.
‘So, what’s your major again?’ With four of them, it’s hard to remember what belongs to who.
‘Economics.’ Carson shrugs like it’s nothing important to him.
‘You don’t sound that enthusiastic about it.’
‘That’s because I’m not. I have to do something, so it seemed like something generic that might be useful at some point in my future.’
‘But you want to play ball?’
‘Yeah. I’ve got a good chance too. Coach says that I’m a sure thing.’
‘What position do you play?’
‘Quarterback.’ He says it with so much pride I have to smile.
‘The girls favorite,’ I laugh.
‘I don’t know about that, and don’t let Jefferson hear you say that.’
We come to a small clearing and a fallen tree that is perfect seat height. ‘Wanna sit?’
The bark is rough against the back of my legs, but it’s nice to take a moment to gaze around at all the beauty around us. The air is cooler amongst the trees and tinged with the damp odor that comes from rotting foliage. The leaves rustle in the breeze, and I inhale deeply, settling back on my braced arms and gazing into the canopy. My mess of dark curly hair spills down my back like a forest nymph.
‘It’s so…’
‘Peaceful,’ Carson finishes. ‘It’s why I love it here so much. College and home are always so loud and busy. I just never feel like I get a chance to breathe.’
‘I know what you mean.’
‘Your dad loves it too. He brought us on the first day that we found out he was dating Mom. We knew him before…he was our coach…but they kept their relationship away from us until they were sure. It was a good day.’
‘That’s nice to have happy memories.’
‘Yeah. For sure. The happy memories started that day.’
Carson looks into the distance, the light dropping from his face, and I wonder what happened to him before that squashed the happiness from his early childhood. He doesn’t elaborate, though, and I don’t feel comfortable asking.
‘I hope to gather some happy memories too,’ I say.
‘You will, for sure. It’s impossible not to. Your dad is a great guy.’ Another pang of jealousy stabs through me. These boys have had the kind of relationship with my dad that I’ve wanted my whole life. He’s been a father to them and a nonentity to me. That’s hard to face. Again, I swallow the hurt and shift the conversation.
‘So what’s with Jefferson and the attitude?’
Carson grimaces. ‘Yeah. Sorry about him. I used to think it was just puberty playing havoc with his mood, but I’m pretty sure he’s done with that now, so there’s not really any excuse.’
‘He’s a real chauvinist.’
‘He might come across like that, but he isn’t really. He’s very protective of our mom. He’s a good guy beneath all the attitude.’
‘So you’re saying I should just ignore all the snide comments and eye-rolling.’
Carson shrugs. ‘I’m not going to tell you what to do. That’s totally up to you. I’m just saying maybe give him a chance, and try not to poke the bear. I think you know what to say and do to wind him up.’
I snort because Carson’s right, and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. It’s fun, but maybe not that fair or productive. ‘I’ll think about it.’
‘You do that.’
Carson rubs his knee absent-mindedly, probably a reflex leftover from his days of recovery. I really admire his perseverance and passion for what he loves. I wish I could have that passion for something in my life. I mean, I like what I’m studying, but it’s not something I feel in my heart. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt anything really deep in my heart before. Maybe the last time was when my grandpa died, but I was so young that the memories are fuzzy. Maybe I’m just not that good at feeling anything. I know I didn’t feel the normal amount of grief when my mom passed away. I stood at the graveside, wondering when it would hit me that she was gone, but it hasn’t, at least not in the way it should have if our relationship had been closer.
‘Want to walk some more?’ Carson asks.
‘Sure.’
We stroll for a while, and the quietness of our surroundings settles inside me. Carson’s a good guy, and if I’m any kind of judge of character, a real fighter. We keep our conversation to lighthearted topics like our favorite places to hang out. The boys go to a place called the Red Devil, which sounds like a whole heap of fun. I’m hoping they’ll take me there at least once while I’m in town. I tell Carson about the coffee shop on campus and how they make the best double chocolate muffins. He insists his mom makes those, and maybe she’ll make me some so I can compare.
I’m surprised to find out he’s a reader too. Jocks aren’t usually the kind who spend time with their heads in books. We talk about books that we’ve read and loved. Carson likes crime fiction and thrillers while I’m more of a lover of women’s fiction for pleasure, but that doesn’t matter. His insightful comments are what takes him from good-looking baller to a three-dimensional person with depth and character.
Maybe he’s right about me not judging Jefferson by his angry cover. I need to be willing to give everyone in my new family a chance, including myself.
