After breakfast, the dining hall is practically empty. James had to report to the Safe Room with the other kids—and the elderly—staying behind, and everyone else is getting ready to head out. Some families are still saying final good-byes. Juliette and I have been avoiding eye contact for a few minutes now. She’s staring at her hands, studying her fingers like she’s checking to make sure they’re still there.
“Well damn. Who died?”
Holy hell. That voice. That face.
Impossible.
“Holy crap. Holy shit.” I’m on my feet.
“Good to see you too, Kent.” Kenji smiles wide and nods at me. He looks like hell. Tired eyes, pale face, hands shaking just a little as he holds on to the table. And what’s worse is that he’s already suited up—like he actually thinks he’s heading out onto the battlefield. “You ready to kick some ass today?”
I’m still staring at him in amazement, trying to find a way to respond, when Juliette jumps up and practically tackles him. Just a hug, really, but yikes.
A little too soon for that, I think.
“Whoa—hey—thank you, yeah—that’s—uh—” Kenji clears his throat. He tries to be nice about it, but it’s clear he’s trying to back away from Juliette, and yeah, she notices. Her face falls and she goes pale, her eyes wide. She hides her hands behind her back, even though she’s wearing her gloves. There’s really no obvious threat to Kenji right now, but I understand his hesitation.
The dude almost died. He tried to break up a fight at the same time Juliette did, and bam, he went down in an instant. It was scary as hell—and even though I know Juliette didn’t mean to do it, there’s really no other explanation. It had to have been her.
“Yeah, um, maybe you should hold off on touching me for a little while, yeah?” Kenji is smiling—again, nice guy—but no one’s buying it. “I’m not too steady on my feet just yet.”
Juliette looks so mortified it breaks my heart. She’s trying so hard to be okay—to make all this shit be okay—but sometimes it’s like the world just won’t let her. The hits keep coming, and she keeps hurting. I hate it.
I have to say something.
“It wasn’t her,” I say to Kenji. I shoot him a sharp look. Leave her alone, I mouth. “You know she didn’t even touch you.”
“I don’t know that, actually,” Kenji says, ignoring my more subtle hints to change the subject. “And it’s not like I’m blaming her—I’m just saying maybe she’s projecting and doesn’t know it, okay? Because last I checked, I don’t think we have any other explanations for what happened last night. It sure as hell wasn’t you,” he says to me, “and shit, for all we know, Warner being able to touch Juliette could just be a fluke. We don’t know anything about him yet.” A pause. “Right? Unless Warner pulled some kind of magical rabbit out of his ass while I was busy being dead last night?”
I frown. Look away.
“Right,” Kenji says. “That’s what I thought. So. I think it’s best if, unless absolutely necessary, I stay away.” He turns to Juliette. “Right? No offense, right? I mean I did nearly just die. I think you could cut me some slack.”
“Yeah, of course,” Juliette says quietly. She tries to laugh but it comes out all wrong. I wish I could reach for her; I wish I could wrap her up in my arms. I want to protect her—I want to be able to take care of her, but that seems impossible now.
“So anyway,” Kenji says. “When are we leaving?”
That gets my attention.
“You’re insane,” I say to him. “You’re not going anywhere.”
“Bullshit I’m not.”
“You can barely stand up on your own!”
“I’d rather die out there than sit in here like some kind of idiot.”
“Kenji—,” Juliette tries to say.
“Heeeeey, so I heard through the very loud grapevine that Warner got his ass the hell out of here last night.” Kenji looks at us. “What’s that about?”
“Yeah,” I say, my mood darkening. “Who even knows. I never thought it was a good idea to keep him hostage here. It was an even stupider idea to trust him.”
Kenji raises an eyebrow. “So first you insult my idea, and then you insult Castle’s, huh?”
“They were bad calls,” I say to him, refusing to back down. “Bad ideas. Now we have to pay for it.” It was Kenji’s idea to take Warner hostage, and Castle’s idea to let him out of his room. And now we’re all suffering. Sometimes I think this whole movement is led by a bunch of idiots.
“Well how was I supposed to know Anderson would be so willing to let his own son rot in hell?”
I wince involuntarily.
The reminder of my father and what he’d be willing to do to his own son is too much for me this morning. I swallow back the bile inching up my throat.
Kenji notices. “Oh, hey—I’m sorry man—I didn’t mean to say it like that—”
“Forget it,” I say to him. I’m glad Kenji’s not dead, but sometimes all I really want to do is kick his ass. “Maybe you should get back to the medical wing. We’re leaving soon.”
“I’m not going anywhere but out of here.”
“Kenji please—” Juliette again.
“Nope.”
“You’re being unreasonable. This isn’t a joke,” she says to him. “People are going to die today.”
Kenji laughs at her. “I’m sorry, are you trying to teach me about the realities of war?” He shakes his head. “Are you forgetting that I was a soldier in Warner’s army? Do you have any idea how much crazy shit we’ve seen?” He gestures to me. “I know exactly what to expect today. Warner was insane. If Anderson is even twice as bad as his son, then we are diving right into a bloodbath. I can’t leave you guys hanging like that.”
Juliette is frozen, her lips just parted, her eyes wide and horrified. Her reaction feels a little exaggerated.
There’s definitely something wrong with her today.
I know part of what she’s feeling has to do with Kenji, but suddenly I’m not sure if there isn’t something else. Something she’s not telling me.
I can’t read her clearly.
Then again, I feel like I haven’t been able to read her clearly for a while now.
“Was he really that bad . . . ?” Juliette asks.
“Who?” Kenji and I ask at the same time.
“Warner,” she says. “Was he really that ruthless?”
God, she’s so obsessed with him. She has some weird fascination with his twisted life that I don’t understand, and it makes me crazy. I can already feel myself getting angry, annoyed—jealous, even—which is ridiculous. Warner isn’t even human; I shouldn’t be comparing myself to him. Besides, she’s not his type at all. He’d probably eat her alive.
Kenji, however, doesn’t seem to have my problem. He’s laughing so hard he’s practically wheezing. “Ruthless? Juliette, the guy is sick. He’s an animal. I don’t think he even knows what it means to be human. If there’s a hell out there, I’m guessing it was designed especially for him.”
I catch a glimpse of Juliette’s face just before I hear a rush of footsteps charging down the hall. We all glance at one another, but I look at Juliette for a second longer, wishing I could read her mind. I have no idea what she’s thinking or why she still looks so horrified. I want to talk to her in private—find out what’s going on—but then Kenji nods at me, and I know I have to clear my head.
It’s time to go.
We all get to our feet.
“Hey—so, does Castle know what you’re doing?” I ask Kenji. “I don’t think he’d be okay with you going out there today.”
“Castle wants me to be happy,” Kenji says. “And I won’t be happy if I stay here. I’ve got work to do. People to save. Ladies to impress. He’d respect that.”
“What about everyone else?” Juliette asks him. “Everyone was so worried about you—have you even seen them yet? To at least tell them you’re okay?”
“Nah,” Kenji says. “They’d probably shit a brick if they knew I was going up. I thought it’d be safer to keep it quiet. I don’t want to freak anyone out. And Sonya and Sara—poor kids—they’re passed the hell out. It’s my fault they’re so exhausted, and they’re still talking about heading out today. They want to fight even though they’re going to have a lot of work to do once we’re done with Anderson’s army. I’ve been trying to convince them to stay here, but they can be so damn stubborn. They need to save their strength,” he says, “and they’ve already wasted too much of it on me.”
“It’s not a waste—,” she says.
“Anywaaay,” Kenji says. “Can we please get going? I know you’re all about hunting down Anderson,” he says to me, “but personally? I would love to catch Warner. Put a bullet through that worthless piece of crap and be done with it.”
I’m about to laugh—finally, someone who agrees with me—when I see Juliette double over. She steadies herself quickly enough, but she’s blinking fast and breathing hard, eyes up at the ceiling.
“Hey—you okay?” I pull her to the side and study her face. She scares the shit out of me sometimes. I worry about her almost as much as I do about James.
“I’m okay,” she says too many times. Nodding and shaking her head over and over again. “I just didn’t get enough sleep last night, but I’ll be fine.”
I hesitate. “Are you sure?”
“I’m positive,” she says. And then she grabs my shirt, eyes wild. “Hey—just be careful out there, okay?”
I nod, more confused by the second. “Yeah. You too.”
“Let’s go let’s go let’s go!” Kenji interrupts us. “Today is our day to die, ladies.”
I relax and shove him a little. It’s nice to have him around to break up the monotony in this place.
Kenji punches me in the arm. “So now you’re abusing the crippled kid, huh?”
I laugh, flip him off.
“Save your angst for the battlefield, bro.” He grins. “You’re going to need it.”
