Nash guided his SUV down mountain roads, a path he knew like the back of his hand. Yet he was laser-focused on the pavement in front of us. He seemed to lose himself in that focus, yet it was as if he were a million miles away at the same time.
“Where’s that head of yours?”
Nash jerked as if he’d forgotten I was in the vehicle with him. “I don’t even know, just zoning out, I guess.”
“Now, who’s the bad liar?” I asked.
He sent me a sheepish smile. “I’m not a bad liar. You just see everything.”
“Talk to me.” It was a gentle plea but one I desperately needed him to answer. I’d laid myself bare before him over the past two days, and it left me feeling a little too vulnerable that he wouldn’t do the same. We’d always talked everything through with each other, and it put little cracks in my heart to think that was no longer the case.
Growing up, the only thing I’d ever hidden from him was my home life—well, that and the fact that I loved him with every piece of my soul. But since I’d left Cedar Ridge, it felt like all we had between us were secrets. I hated that feeling.
Nash must’ve read something in my expression because he took my hand, weaving his fingers through mine. “It’s nothing too bad. Dan McConnell just showed up at the station throwing a shit fit because he didn’t make SAR.”
I groaned. “That man is the worst.” Even growing up, he created drama when he didn’t get his way. My gaze narrowed on Nash. “That wouldn’t make you all broody, though.”
Nash huffed. “I’m not broody.”
I circled Nash’s face with my finger. “Long-distance stare. Pinched brows. Locked jaw. Broody. Spill, buddy.”
“Sometimes, I regret how well you know me.”
I shrugged. “Too late now.”
Nash shifted in his seat, keeping his eyes fixed on the road. “He just said something that got under my skin.”
“And that was?” I prodded.
“That I’m dead weight my brothers carry.”
I stilled, an urge to give Dan a knee to the groin pulsing through me. Nash had always been carefree and a jokester. Growing up, he’d gotten into more trouble than you could imagine. It had earned him a bit of a reputation with his brothers and his family in general. They were always pulling him out of one jam or another.
But that wasn’t all there was to Nash. He had a quiet, serious side. A caring side. He would do anything for the people he loved—his family, Caden, me. Sometimes, his family forgot about all the ways he showed up for them and the community and only saw the goofy troublemaker. It cut more than they would ever know.
I reached over and squeezed his hand. “He’s wrong. You know that, right?”
Nash simply shrugged.
I squeezed his hand harder, bringing his focus to me for a split second. “You show up for every single person you care about. You’ve shown up for me more times than I can count. How many times have you taken one of the boys off Lawson’s hands because he was overwhelmed? Spent the day with your mom because you knew she missed her babies? Helped Grae with work at her house, even though she hissed that she didn’t need you?”
Nash shifted again, my praise making him uncomfortable. “That’s the bare minimum.”
“It’s not, trust me. Some families wouldn’t put the flames out if you were on fire.”
He stiffened. “I didn’t mean—”
“I know. But you need to see how rare you are. How caring. How amazing. Don’t listen to some micropenis talking a bunch of baloney.”
That startled a laugh out of Nash. “Micropenis?”
“Please, a man throwing a fit like that? He must have a small dick.”
Nash shook his head, but he was grinning again. Nash had an endless supply of smiles, but watching him as closely as I had all these years, I’d started to recognize all the different kinds. He had the forced ones he gave because it was expected of him. The devilish ones that told me he was up to no good. The easy ones that were authentic and full of life—like now. And the ones that were just for me. Tender ones that made my heart flip. That curve of his lips that had me hoping for far too long that maybe he could love me as more than just a friend.
“You know how to put things in perspective, Mads.”
“I try to help where I can.”
As Nash came to a stop outside the gates at his parents’ place, he leaned over and pressed a kiss to my temple. “Thanks. Needed that.”
He pulled away and released my hand at the same time so he could punch in the gate code. The loss of his touch left behind a heady buzz as if my system weren’t used to spending this much time in close proximity to Nash. I needed to build up my tolerance again.
Nash drove up the steep driveway, and memories assailed me. Countless drives in the middle of the night. Endless climbs up to his window.
“You still have the emergency ladder?”
Nash chuckled. “Did I ever tell you that my mom found it one time in high school?”
I straightened in my seat. “She did?”
He nodded.
“What did she say?”
“Wanted to know what it was and why I had it. I think she thought I was sneaking out.”
“How’d you get out of that one?”
Nash’s grin widened. “You know I have expert acting skills. I told her watching Backdraft had freaked me out and that I was paranoid about getting stuck if our house ever caught on fire.”
I gaped at him. “You didn’t.”
He shrugged. “My acting skills were a little too good on this one because she made me go see a therapist about my fear of fire.”
Laughter bubbled out of me. “And how did that go?”
“Two sessions, and I was miraculously cured.”
“God, your mom deserves angel wings for putting up with all you guys put her through.”
“Hey, we kept life interesting for her.”
I shook my head. “You gave her gray hair.”
“That, too.”
Nash pulled into a makeshift parking spot. A handful of vehicles were already parked in front of the massive home. I’d always loved this place. My escape and safe haven. Even though it was large, it never felt sterile. It was warm and homey. And the structure itself, a blend of wood, stone, and glass, felt as if it had sprung from the mountain itself.
“You ready?” Nash asked.
Anxiety swept through me, and I wiped my hands on my jeans. “Why am I so nervous?”
Nash slipped a hand under my hair and squeezed the back of my neck. “It’s been a minute since you’ve been here. But you know that chaos will soon ensue, and you won’t be the focus of attention any longer.”
He was right. There had always been so much life in the Hartley gatherings. Yelling, teasing, and so much laughter my stomach hurt by the time I left. “You’re right. Let’s do this.”
“That’s my girl.”
His words hurt in the best way. It was a claiming. But I wanted them in a way Nash had never intended them. Wanted to brand them on my soul. Instead, I opened the door and slid out of the SUV.
Nash draped an arm around my shoulders, guiding me to the front door. Voices sounded from inside, boisterous and achingly familiar. Nash didn’t bother knocking, he just opened the door and stepped inside. “I’m here, you can all stop your pining.”
Holt snorted. “We’ve all just been wringing our hands, waiting for your arrival,” he called from the living room.
I followed Nash into the space, and he clapped his brother on the shoulder. “You can breathe easier now.”
Nash’s mom, Kerry, shook her head but made a beeline straight for me. “The one I’ve been pining for is this one.” She pulled me into a tight hug. Thankfully, her arms went around my shoulders instead of my waist. “I missed you so much. I’m so happy you’re home.”
My eyes burned. “I’m happy to be here.” As she released me, I handed her the bouquet. “For you.”
“Oh, these are just stunning. But you know you didn’t have to bring me anything.”
“I wanted to.”
Lawson gave me a mock glare as he crossed to me. “Always putting the rest of us to shame.” He grabbed me in a hug. “Missed you.”
His tight hold had me tensing, and Lawson didn’t miss the move. His grip on me gentled, and he pulled back, studying me carefully.
I forced a wide smile. “Missed you, too, Law. Where are the boys? I bet Charlie has grown a foot.”
The concern melted from Lawson’s expression, and he inclined his head toward the basement door. “They’re probably battling to the death over a video game controller.”
“Just make sure you clean the blood out of the furniture when they’re done,” Nathan said with a chuckle as he made his way toward me. His gait was still slightly off. He’d had a heart attack several months ago and then broke his leg when he fell, but it was clear he was on his way to a full recovery.
He bent and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “So good to have you back where you belong.”
“Thank you. You’re looking good. How are you feeling?”
Nathan scoffed. “No heart attack can keep me down. I’m just working my way back to SAR.”
“If he follows the physical therapist’s instructions,” Kerry said with an arch of her brow.
“Yeah, yeah,” Nathan mumbled.
I locked gazes with the final person in the room. Roan’s green eyes were darker than Nash’s, though maybe the shadows in them only made them appear that way. That gaze swept over me, and it was as if he knew all my secrets with one look. And maybe he did.
Roan had always been more perceptive than most, his quiet nature giving him time to examine those around him. But it was more. The aftermath of the shooting ten years ago, the way the town had turned against him in a blink of an eye when he’d been a suspect. It had built in him a need to continually assess those around him.
But there was an authenticity to Roan that I’d always liked and admired. I smiled at him. “Good to see you, Roan.”
He didn’t return my smile, but he did give me a dip of his head. “Welcome home.”
Holt chuckled. “Hell, that’s a kiss and cuddle from him.”
Roan scowled at his brother but didn’t say a word.
A screech sounded, and Grae flew into the room, Wren trailing behind her. “You’re here, you’re here, you’re here!”
Nash caught his little sister around the waist before she could collide with me. “Whoa, there. Let’s not knock Mads down. That’s not exactly the welcome she needs.”
Grae licked her finger and stuck it in her brother’s ear. “Let me down.”
“Sick!” Nash barked, dropping her to the floor.
Grae laughed. “Gets him every time.” She looped her arm through mine and started pulling me out of the living room. “Come on, Wren and I are having girl talk, and we need to catch up on everything.”
Warmth spread through me at the normality of it all. At the welcome. The Hartleys had always made me feel that acceptance, and always would, even if I’d never truly be a part of their ranks. But that wouldn’t stop my heart from wanting it. I’d just have to learn to live with the pain.
