The Past – 17 Years Old.
My stomach is knotted with nerves as I glance over my shoulder before sneaking out of the house. Making sure I’m not seen, I break out into a run toward the stables.
With my father away on business, it makes it a little easier to meet Alfonso. I’ve been sneaking around with the stable boy for a month now. Alfonso was a pleasant surprise when he came to work here with his father, Gino, who’s been in our employment since I was a little girl.
Because my father deals in arms, I don’t get to live a normal life. I’m surrounded by an army of private tutors, guards, and staff who won’t hesitate to tell my father if I do something wrong.
Taking one last glance back at the sprawling villa to make sure none of the staff saw me leave, I walk into the stables.
I stop to pet Brimstone, my father’s favorite horse, and movement catches my eye. Turning my head, I watch as Alfonso comes out of the tack room. He’s only a head taller than me, with dark brown hair and amber eyes.
“You’re early,” he says with a grin tugging at his lips.
As he walks toward me, I enjoy the warm expression in his eyes. It’s the closest thing to love I’ve experienced. That’s why I’m breaking all the rules to have these stolen moments with Alfonso in the stables.
To my father, I’m a bargaining chip to secure an alliance when he needs one. Just another one of his many belongings. My father has never shown me any kind of love. When I was younger, it broke my heart, and I used to spend nights crying myself to sleep. Now that I’m older, I’ve accepted it’s the way things are. I guess he’s cold and cruel because he’s a part of the Mafia. No matter the reason, I’m done crying over something I can’t change.
My mother left after my birth, and I have no memory of her. Whether she’s dead or alive, I don’t know. No one ever talks of her. The only thing I know about her is her name. Eva Lucas.
I don’t blame her for leaving if that’s what she did. Between my father and my personal guard and tormentor, Dante, life is nothing but endless days of suffocation.
My mouth curves up into a smile when Alfonso stops in front of me. He gave me my first kiss, and last week I gave him my virginity.
He’s not the most handsome, and I don’t get butterflies, but that doesn’t matter. Just the thrill of sneaking around with him and having him want me is enough for me.
I also get to defy Dante. He’d probably kill Alfonso and beat me if he found us together.
“The house is suffocating,” I explain why I’m early. “I needed to get out.”
Alfonso walks to the wide wooden doors and glances around the property before he turns back to me. “How did you escape Dante?”
“He’s having lunch.”
Alfonso comes back to me, and taking hold of my hand, he leads me to the back of the stables where the tack room is. It holds all the saddles, brushes, and other equipment for the horses. It’s also the only private place where Dante won’t think to look for me.
Alfonso shuts the door behind us and turning to me, his gaze drifts over my face. “Run away with me,” he says once again.
Honestly, the idea is tempting, but I know there’s no escaping Dante. He’ll find me, and his wrath will be cruel.
Lifting my hand, I rest my palm against Alfonso’s chest. “It’s not worth the risk. When we’re found, Dante will kill you.”
“When we’re found? You don’t think I can keep you safe?” Alfonso asks, a frown forming on his forehead.
No one can keep me safe, least of all a nineteen-year-old stable boy.
Instead of voicing the truth, I ask, “Where would we go? With what money?”
“I’ll find work,” he says while he places his hand over mine.
“That’s not a guarantee,” I argue.
Alfonso’s head begins to lower, and before his mouth meets mine, he murmurs, “Let me take you away from here.”
My naïve stable boy.
Not wanting to talk about something that can never be, I accept his kiss. I part my lips for his tongue to enter, and soon we’re stripping each other out of our clothes. I get lost in the moment where I get to be free. Having sex with Alfonso has nothing to do with attraction but everything to do with making a choice for myself. For one blessed moment, it feels like I’m not a prisoner in my father’s villa.
For a moment, I feel loved or as close to loved as I’ll ever get.
I know it’s selfish of me. I do feel guilty for using Alfonso, but my need to defy my constrained life drives me forward. My need to be more than just a bargaining chip makes me return his kiss.
When we’re naked, and Alfonso rolls on a condom, I lean over a wooden table. Bracing my hands on it, I close my eyes as Alfonso positions himself behind me. He enters me slowly, and I bite my bottom lip from the slight pain. It’s only our third time, but at least it doesn’t hurt as much as the first time.
“Elena,” Alfonso groans when he’s all the way inside me. He grips hold of my hips and begins to move. My cheeks flame up at the slapping sounds filling the room.
I let out a soft groan, and it makes Alfonso move faster. “I love you,” he grunts at my back.
I soak in his declaration, savoring it like a starved girl. Alfonso is the first ever to say those words to me, and I never knew how much I needed to hear them until now.
My eyes burn with emotional tears, but unable to return the declaration, I instead reply, “You feel so good.”
Suddenly Alfonso’s ripped away from me. He staggers backward and slams into a wall. Glancing over my shoulder, my eyes dart to Dante’s face, and seeing his angry scowl instantly makes fear pour through my veins like acid.
Mother of God. This is bad. So, so very bad.
I grab my shirt from the floor and quickly cover myself as best I can while frantically pleading, “He didn’t do anything. I forced him.”
Dante’s top lip curls into a sneer as his malicious glare snaps from me to Alfonso, who’s climbing to his feet. My stomach churns with dread, and I swallow hard as my body begins to tremble.
“You’re fucking Elena?” Dante growls while yanking his gun from behind his back.
“I’m sorry,” Alfonso cries with panic tightening his features. There’s no sign of the boy who wanted to run away with me. Instead, Alfonso’s pale with terror, his eyes wide on the gun aimed at him.
Dread bleeds through me, making my skin prickle and my heart race wildly. “Please! Please don’t,” I shriek as I dart forward, grabbing hold of Dante’s arm. “Don’t kill him. Please.”
Even though I’m pleading with Dante, I’m still surprised when he shoves Alfonso back against the wall because he’s never done a single thing I’ve asked of him before.
I almost let out a breath of relief, but then Dante trains the gun on Alfonso again. Dante turns a dark glare on me before he backhands me hard with his free hand.
It sends me sprawling over the wooden floor. An ache spreads through my cheek, but I quickly scramble to my feet. Covering myself with the shirt, my breaths explode over my lips as my heart beats out of control. Dante’s ominous chuckle fills my ears, and I know it promises nothing good. Only pain. It’s always been followed by pain.
Before I was born, Dante was my father’s right-hand man. He still is, but now he’s stuck babysitting me, and he hates me for it. As the years passed, it only seemed to make it easier for Dante to become a vicious monster.
Dante’s cruel gaze locks with mine, and then his sneer grows, making the scar on his left cheek pull. “Principessa,” he growls. Shaking his head, he steps closer to me, never taking the gun off Alfonso, who’s white as a ghost where he’s frozen against the wall. “Tsk. Tsk.”
“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again,” I try to reason with Dante. I should know better, though. There’s no reasoning with the devil.
His eyes rove over my trembling body, and then the usual viciousness in his gaze turns to something else… something sinister. A shiver rushes down my spine, and I fist the fabric tighter against my front as I hunch my shoulders to make myself smaller.
“I’ll tell my father,” I try to threaten Dante, but we both know it’s an empty threat. My father will always believe Dante’s word instead of mine.
“Tell him what?” Dante sneers. “That I killed Alfonso for touching you?” He lets out a dark chuckle, then he shrugs. “Tell him.”
He turns his attention back to Alfonso, and it has me screaming, “Don’t shoot him! Please.” I can’t have Alfonso die because of my selfishness.
Dante’s right arm darts out, and he grabs hold of my hair. My muscles tighten as I’m yanked against his body, and my mouth grows dry with fear. There are no words to argue or plead with because Dante doesn’t care. Not about me. Not about anyone. He’s nothing more than a soulless tormentor.
I’m shoved down to the hard floor and try to brace myself for the kicks and punches that are bound to follow.
I’ll take any beating Dante wants to give me as long as it means Alfonso gets to live.
My heart hammers against my ribs, and my breaths explode over my lips as every part of me tenses. When Dante doesn’t beat me, I cautiously glance up at him from where I’m on my hands and knees.
Dante’s gaze snaps from a terrified Alfonso to me, then he sneers, “You think you’re a woman, Principessa?”
“I’m sorry,” I whimper, not knowing what else to say. When I push myself up on my knees, Dante shakes his head, and it has me freezing.
He begins to unbuckle his belt, never taking the gun off Alfonso. My heartbeat speeds up until it’s nothing more than a terrifying flutter in my chest. I watch with growing dread as he unzips his pants, and raw horror bleeds through me when he frees his erection. Instantly, revulsion churns in my stomach.
“Show me you’re a woman,” he growls.
Shocked out of my mind, I shake my head. “N-no.”
He wouldn’t.
Dante’s a lot of things, but he’s never made any sexual advances toward me.
He won’t.
Grabbing hold of my hair again, he yanks me toward him and shoves his erection in my face. The sharp smell of stale urine burns up my nostrils, and I gag from the stink alone. Feeling his erection against my lips makes bile burn up my throat.
With a murderous glare, he spits at me, “Suck my dick, or your lover dies right now.”
Oh, God.
No.
My body convulses, and I swallow hard on the burning bile in my throat.
“Suck,” he growls, his eyes narrowing on me with warning.
“I’ll leave,” Alfonso suddenly says.
My eyes snap to him, and I want to tell him to keep quiet and not make things worse, but Dante slams the gun into the side of Alfonso’s face, snapping, “Shut up, or you die.”
Alfonso covers his bruised jaw with a hand and trains his eyes away from us. It makes Dante focus his attention on me again. “Suck my fucking dick, or I’ll paint the walls with your lover’s brains.”
My chin begins to tremble, and it feels like my stomach is on fire with the bile churning in it.
This is sick.
Twisted and sick.
I have two choices. Defy Dante and be responsible for Alfonso’s death, or do as Dante says and…
My thoughts come to a screeching halt, unable to even think it.
My hesitation makes Dante react, and in absolute horror, I watch as he shoots Alfonso in the left shoulder. The sound of the gunshot echoes, and then it’s followed by Alfonso’s howls of pain.
Shock shudders through my body while Alfonso covers the wound with his hand. Blood seeps through his fingers while he tries to bite back the cries.
I want to tell him I’m sorry. I should’ve stayed away from him.
Dante’s murderous gaze swings back to me. “The next one will be between his eyes.”
Up until now, I thought Dante would just beat me like he’s done countless times before. The terrifying realization that he won’t kick and hit me, but instead, he’s going to force me to give him a blowjob, makes me instantly cold. It feels as if my whole body is being submerged in ice.
I can’t.
I can’t even begin to imagine taking him in my mouth.
The stink alone is nauseating.
No.
No
Please, God.
Dante grabs hold of my hair again and yanks my face to his pelvis. His erection pushes against my lips, and as the overwhelming stench burns up my nostrils, I pinch my eyes shut. Somehow I manage to open my mouth instead of clenching my teeth like I want to.
It’s either this or Alfonso’s life.
Dante’s erection thrusts into my mouth, brushing hard against my tongue until it slams into the back of my throat. My stomach rolls violently, and my body trembles as if it’s going to shake apart into a million pieces.
I keep telling myself that Alfonso’s life depends on this as Dante begins to thrust relentlessly into my mouth. I instantly gag, and a sob rippling up my throat makes it worse and harder to breathe.
I can’t stop gagging as Dante keeps forcing himself into my mouth, coating my tongue with his pungent taste. I try to shut down my mind, but I can’t ignore the disturbing feel of his erection rubbing over my tongue before slamming against my throat.
Disgust and degradation swallow me whole as I keep gagging. It strips me to the bone. It robs me of my rationality until all that’s left is my will to survive. Hatred and rage claw at my heart. Whatever innocence I had left is desecrated until there’s nothing left but traumatic shame.
Dante’s thrusts become uneven, and then a slimy, bitter fluid coats my tongue and throat. He pulls away from me as my body jerks, and then I vomit at his feet.
A shot rings through the air, and a second later, Alfonso falls beside me, his eyes wide as blood trickles from his head.
Noooooooo!!!
My stomach empties itself, and I gag through the sobs tearing from my chest.
Oh, God.
No.
No.
“What…?” I hear Gino’s voice, and before I can lift my head, his cry is muted by another gunshot.
Gino’s body drops near his son’s, and I scramble backward until I slam into one of the walls. Horrified, I can’t stop staring at the two bodies. Bile dribbles down my chin, and my chest is on fire.
Dante moves, and terrified, my eyes snap to him. I watch as he tucks his flaccid dick away.
I gasp for air, my lungs burning and my throat aching. The bile rushes up again, and somehow in my traumatized state, my body knows to turn to the side so I can throw up.
When there’s nothing left to vomit, I sink back on my butt, and leaning against the wall, I try to breathe through the gruesomeness surrounding me.
Gino and Alfonso’s bodies. The blood staining the wood. The tainted scent of leather and steel.
It’s all too much to process. It’s a nightmare. A cruel and depraved nightmare.
“You will fucking stay here until I come back,” Dante warns me. As he begins to shut the door, he threatens, “Try to leave, and I’ll fuck you raw, Principessa.”
Dante leaves me in the room with the two bodies, trembling with the fear of being raped. The air quickly grows putrid with the acidic smell from the vomit.
I sit frozen in the nightmare orchestrated by Dante. Unable to move… unable to believe what happened… unable to process anything, I just stare at the lifeless bodies.
I have no idea how long I sit like that, staring at death, my mind filled with static.
As the sun sets and the room begins to grow dark, life returns to my limbs. Slowly, I crawl to my clothes. It takes a lot of concentration to get dressed as if my mind has forgotten the simple task.
Only then do the events begin to replay in my mind, ripping a broken sob from me. I move to the other side of the room, and sitting down in a corner, I wrap my arms around my legs.
Alfonso and Gino are dead. Dante forced his erection in my mouth. He came in my mouth.
Every thought is a merciless blow to my soul. The shame bears heavily down on me as if it’s trying to squeeze the very life from my body. I can still taste the bitterness of Dante’s orgasm on the back of my tongue, the vomiting having done nothing to erase it.
For a moment, my eyes lock with Alfonso’s lifeless ones, and it makes me cry harder.
I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry.
Please forgive me.
